1 00:01:02,207 --> 00:01:04,209 [wind blowing, waves lapping] 2 00:01:14,524 --> 00:01:16,047 MAN: So, this is for, uh, 3 00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:17,309 New York Times Magazine? 4 00:01:17,352 --> 00:01:19,485 No. I'm sorry, that... 5 00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:21,095 there... 6 00:01:21,139 --> 00:01:23,446 mm... no, I freelance. 7 00:01:23,489 --> 00:01:24,925 I write for different magazines, 8 00:01:24,969 --> 00:01:26,536 but this is a personal matter. 9 00:01:26,579 --> 00:01:27,885 A personal matter? 10 00:01:27,928 --> 00:01:29,713 Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay? 11 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,323 No, it's absolutely okay. 12 00:01:31,366 --> 00:01:33,325 May I ask what-what this is regarding and...? 13 00:01:33,368 --> 00:01:36,110 Uh, it's about my son. 14 00:01:37,111 --> 00:01:39,374 Okay. How can I help? 15 00:01:40,375 --> 00:01:42,726 [exhales] He... 16 00:01:44,728 --> 00:01:48,949 There are moments that I look at him, 17 00:01:48,993 --> 00:01:51,604 this kid that I raised, 18 00:01:51,648 --> 00:01:54,781 who I thought I knew inside and out, 19 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:57,567 and I wonder who he is. 20 00:01:59,569 --> 00:02:02,310 He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 21 00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,399 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 22 00:02:04,443 --> 00:02:09,230 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of 'em. 23 00:02:09,274 --> 00:02:12,320 And I guess I'm here 24 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:16,499 because I just want to know... 25 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,327 all that I can about... 26 00:02:19,371 --> 00:02:21,242 all of it. 27 00:02:21,286 --> 00:02:23,070 Know your enemies, right? 28 00:02:23,114 --> 00:02:25,333 So... 29 00:02:25,377 --> 00:02:27,553 [sighs] 30 00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:29,990 My two big questions are, 31 00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,645 wh-what is it doing to him, 32 00:02:32,689 --> 00:02:36,040 and what can I do to help him? 33 00:02:37,084 --> 00:02:39,086 [crickets chirping] 34 00:02:42,176 --> 00:02:44,135 [shoes wiping on mat] 35 00:02:44,178 --> 00:02:46,572 [footsteps approaching] 36 00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:47,747 [door opens] 37 00:02:47,791 --> 00:02:49,749 [light switch clicks] 38 00:02:49,793 --> 00:02:52,230 [David sighs] 39 00:03:04,764 --> 00:03:07,201 [crickets chirping] 40 00:03:24,523 --> 00:03:26,873 [crickets chirping] 41 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,793 [line ringing] 42 00:03:33,837 --> 00:03:35,795 MAN: Marin General Hospital. How may I help you? 43 00:03:35,839 --> 00:03:39,146 DAVID: Hi. My son has gone missing, 44 00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:41,888 and I wanted to check to see if he had... 45 00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:43,586 uh, maybe had been brought in 46 00:03:43,629 --> 00:03:46,893 or-or if-if there'd been an accident. 47 00:03:46,937 --> 00:03:49,679 Can I have name and description, sir? 48 00:03:49,722 --> 00:03:51,245 Nicolas Sheff. 49 00:03:51,289 --> 00:03:53,639 S-H-E-F-F. 50 00:03:53,683 --> 00:03:55,249 He is... 51 00:03:55,293 --> 00:03:56,990 18 years old. 52 00:03:57,034 --> 00:04:00,167 He is just over six feet tall. 53 00:04:00,211 --> 00:04:01,908 About 130 pounds. 54 00:04:01,952 --> 00:04:05,129 Maybe less. I-I don't know. Um... 55 00:04:05,172 --> 00:04:07,653 He has shoulder-length brown hair 56 00:04:07,697 --> 00:04:09,786 and green eyes. 57 00:04:09,829 --> 00:04:11,570 MAN: Thank you. Please hold. 58 00:04:11,614 --> 00:04:13,659 DAVID: Okay. 59 00:04:13,703 --> 00:04:15,879 -Mr. Sheff? -Yes. 60 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,055 Uh, there's no one by that name, sir. 61 00:04:18,098 --> 00:04:20,710 Okay. Thank you. 62 00:04:20,753 --> 00:04:22,450 [beep] 63 00:04:25,149 --> 00:04:27,586 [crickets chirping] 64 00:04:43,254 --> 00:04:45,648 [crickets chirping] 65 00:05:02,229 --> 00:05:04,188 DAVID: He's been gone for two days. 66 00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:05,842 VICKI: What do you mean he's gone? 67 00:05:05,885 --> 00:05:07,757 -What's going on? -I don't know. 68 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,193 -I don't know. -Two days? 69 00:05:09,236 --> 00:05:10,716 Why didn't you tell me sooner? 70 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,631 Uh, I didn't want to worry you, I guess. 71 00:05:12,675 --> 00:05:15,112 -I just... -I'm his mother, David. 72 00:05:15,155 --> 00:05:17,027 Didn't you see this coming? 73 00:05:17,070 --> 00:05:18,202 Uh, no. 74 00:05:18,245 --> 00:05:19,464 What? 75 00:05:19,507 --> 00:05:21,292 No, no, I didn't see it coming. 76 00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:23,381 If I'd seen it coming, I would've done something. 77 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,731 It was just a question, David. Jesus. 78 00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:27,951 I haven't been talking with him a lot lately. 79 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,127 Well, maybe that's why you shouldn't be giving me advice 80 00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:31,563 in parenting, right? 81 00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,565 Fuck, Vicki. 82 00:05:33,608 --> 00:05:36,046 Can we just not blame each other right now? That's... 83 00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:37,961 Who's blaming who here? 84 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,180 If I hardly ever see him, it's because he's supposed 85 00:05:40,224 --> 00:05:41,878 to come to L.A. for the holidays 86 00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:43,923 but always finds a reason not to come. 87 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:47,057 Well, that's not my fault, is it? 88 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,537 [birds chirping] 89 00:06:06,293 --> 00:06:08,731 ♪ 90 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,659 DAVID: Nic. 91 00:06:24,703 --> 00:06:25,878 [baby fussing] 92 00:06:25,922 --> 00:06:28,098 Here's your little brother. 93 00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:30,404 Tight. 94 00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:31,797 Just support his head. 95 00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:33,799 [whispering] 96 00:06:33,843 --> 00:06:36,062 [crying] 97 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,978 [Nic and David laugh] 98 00:06:39,022 --> 00:06:40,980 Hi, Jasper. 99 00:06:41,024 --> 00:06:43,678 -Hi, little boy. -[fussing] 100 00:06:46,769 --> 00:06:48,771 This is amazing. 101 00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:53,776 [laughs] He's sticking his tongue out. 102 00:06:53,819 --> 00:06:55,952 [laughing] 103 00:06:57,997 --> 00:07:00,130 Hi. Nice to meet you. 104 00:07:00,173 --> 00:07:02,132 -Bye. -Bye. 105 00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:03,960 -I'll miss you this summer. -Me, too. 106 00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:06,049 -Okay, write me. -Write me back. 107 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,398 Work on your French. 108 00:07:07,441 --> 00:07:08,791 -Oui, madame. -[chuckles] 109 00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:10,009 Have a great summer. 110 00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:12,055 And say hi to your mom. 111 00:07:14,274 --> 00:07:17,234 -Everything. -Everything. 112 00:07:23,457 --> 00:07:25,851 [engine whirring] 113 00:07:25,895 --> 00:07:27,897 ♪ 114 00:07:49,483 --> 00:07:51,485 ♪ 115 00:08:14,247 --> 00:08:16,684 [Daisy squealing] 116 00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:24,040 [dog barking] 117 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:25,911 JASPER: Ya! 118 00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:27,782 Come on. 119 00:08:31,351 --> 00:08:33,788 [Daisy and Jasper chattering in distance] 120 00:08:39,316 --> 00:08:41,753 [indistinct chatter and laughter in distance] 121 00:08:49,239 --> 00:08:51,067 [quietly]: Hey. 122 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,808 -Where have you been? -Yeah, I just need to sleep, 123 00:08:53,852 --> 00:08:55,375 -all right? -What have you been doing? 124 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:57,247 I just need to sleep, all right? Leave me alone. 125 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:01,512 Guys, go downstairs. 126 00:09:01,555 --> 00:09:04,210 I'll be there in a minute. 127 00:09:06,299 --> 00:09:08,301 [birds chirping] 128 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,015 [retching] 129 00:09:26,058 --> 00:09:28,452 [coughing] 130 00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:37,461 Ow. 131 00:09:47,471 --> 00:09:50,082 -Look, man, I'm-I'm, uh... -[sighs] 132 00:09:50,126 --> 00:09:54,521 I'm really sorry, all right? And-and I, uh... 133 00:09:54,565 --> 00:09:56,784 I fucked up, and it was a mistake, but... 134 00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:59,135 it was a one-time mistake, all right? I learned my lesson. 135 00:09:59,178 --> 00:10:02,616 I don't want to go through this shit again, all right? So... 136 00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:03,748 -Let's just go inside. -No. 137 00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:05,228 They're professionals. 138 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,012 Let's just listen to what they have to say. 139 00:10:07,056 --> 00:10:08,796 Look, I'm 18, all right?! You can't force me! 140 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,842 Hey. 141 00:10:12,931 --> 00:10:15,151 This got out of hand, right? 142 00:10:15,194 --> 00:10:16,935 Don't you think? 143 00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:22,636 Come on. 144 00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:25,161 All right. 145 00:10:25,204 --> 00:10:28,991 Okay. Okay. 146 00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:34,605 I'm doing it for you. 147 00:10:43,222 --> 00:10:45,659 [indistinct chatter] 148 00:10:47,096 --> 00:10:49,446 [siren wailing in distance] 149 00:11:02,546 --> 00:11:04,983 He needs treatment. And fast. 150 00:11:05,027 --> 00:11:07,681 There's still a lot of drugs in his system. 151 00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:10,902 And, worst of all, he's in denial. 152 00:11:12,164 --> 00:11:14,384 Um, can you help him? 153 00:11:14,427 --> 00:11:16,603 Oh, yeah. I mean, 154 00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:19,606 a lot of the people here are not here by choice. 155 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:22,044 And they have just as much chance as anybody. 156 00:11:22,087 --> 00:11:24,046 Okay. [clears throat] 157 00:11:24,089 --> 00:11:26,265 So, we have a free bed. 158 00:11:26,309 --> 00:11:29,051 So, if you want, we can check him in for a 28-day treatment 159 00:11:29,094 --> 00:11:30,922 and then we evaluate. 160 00:11:32,532 --> 00:11:34,056 Um... 161 00:11:34,099 --> 00:11:35,840 what is your success rate? 162 00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:38,103 On the high end, 80%. 163 00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:39,931 On the low end, 164 00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:42,107 25%. 165 00:11:42,151 --> 00:11:45,023 Look, he will have daily consultations 166 00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:47,243 with a staff psychiatrist and physician. 167 00:11:47,286 --> 00:11:51,203 We have daily N.A. and A.A. meetings. 168 00:11:51,247 --> 00:11:53,684 He'll be monitored very closely. 169 00:11:55,294 --> 00:11:57,296 Thank you. 170 00:11:58,297 --> 00:12:00,517 And last page. 171 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,781 Everything. 172 00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:08,612 [whispers]: Everything. 173 00:12:22,321 --> 00:12:24,758 [indistinct chatter] 174 00:12:45,518 --> 00:12:47,955 ♪ 175 00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:56,921 DAVID: Why are you always in this room? 176 00:12:56,964 --> 00:12:59,141 You hardly ever come out of here. 177 00:12:59,184 --> 00:13:00,925 It's like you're a vampire. 178 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,929 I read. 179 00:13:04,972 --> 00:13:07,497 I draw. 180 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:10,108 You know what we should do? 181 00:13:10,152 --> 00:13:12,154 We should go surfing. 182 00:13:12,197 --> 00:13:13,938 Yeah. 183 00:13:13,981 --> 00:13:15,809 That sound good? 184 00:13:15,853 --> 00:13:18,551 I'm kind of into other things now, you know? 185 00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:22,251 Reading misanthropes and seriously depressed writers. 186 00:13:22,294 --> 00:13:23,861 Oh, come on, they're... 187 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,602 they're kind of great, though, right? 188 00:13:25,645 --> 00:13:26,646 I get it. 189 00:13:28,996 --> 00:13:31,216 It'll pass, though. 190 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,218 It always does. 191 00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:35,133 What does? 192 00:13:35,177 --> 00:13:39,398 The feeling of being alienated and isolated. 193 00:13:39,442 --> 00:13:41,313 Huh, that really helps. 194 00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:43,402 Thanks for the advice, Dad. 195 00:13:44,403 --> 00:13:46,449 Okay. 196 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,887 All right. That was... 197 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,410 That came out wrong. I'm sorry. 198 00:13:51,454 --> 00:13:53,891 Mm-mm. 199 00:14:02,682 --> 00:14:05,250 NIC: All right. Your-your idea. 200 00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:07,339 Hey. 201 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,256 [whispers]: Hey, Dad. 202 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:14,390 MAN: So, we feel he's made great progress. 203 00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:16,609 -Right, Nic? -Hi. -Hey. 204 00:14:16,653 --> 00:14:18,611 -KAREN: That's great. -DAVID: That's great. 205 00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,483 MAN: So we should maybe talk about the coming weeks, Nic. 206 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:23,050 Mm. I think I need to... I think I need 207 00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:25,183 a little bit more time in rehab. So if it's... 208 00:14:25,227 --> 00:14:27,490 if it's all right with you guys, I was wondering 209 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,143 if I could stay in the halfway house here. 210 00:14:29,187 --> 00:14:33,626 MAN: The halfway house is an open living facility 211 00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:35,628 with follow-up every night, 212 00:14:35,672 --> 00:14:39,153 and we would help him find a job. 213 00:14:39,197 --> 00:14:41,243 Right. I don't want to... 214 00:14:41,286 --> 00:14:43,897 go to college... 215 00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:46,291 -right now. -DAVID: Oh? 216 00:14:46,335 --> 00:14:49,294 Okay. Uh, um, and do what? 217 00:14:49,338 --> 00:14:52,906 I think I need to be independent. 218 00:14:55,169 --> 00:14:57,824 Dad, I'm telling you, this is... 219 00:14:59,826 --> 00:15:02,351 It's gonna be good. 220 00:15:02,394 --> 00:15:03,961 DAVID: What is he gonna do, 221 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,615 make coffee for the rest of his life? 222 00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:06,964 KAREN: You know what, Frederick told me 223 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,966 that they have friends that had a son 224 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,968 that did a four-week program and that wasn't enough 225 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,231 and now he's doing a year program. 226 00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:15,799 I wish you wouldn't talk to everybody about it. 227 00:15:17,714 --> 00:15:19,542 What does that got to do with anything? 228 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,326 To protect Nic. I mean, at some point, 229 00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:23,285 he's gonna want to get on with his life. 230 00:15:23,328 --> 00:15:25,330 And maybe it's best that not everybody knows about this. 231 00:15:25,374 --> 00:15:27,332 Okay. 232 00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:30,901 Can we not make this about me? 233 00:15:30,944 --> 00:15:32,337 Uh... [sighs] All right. 234 00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:34,731 Look, Nic needs some more time. 235 00:15:34,774 --> 00:15:37,081 And that's fine. 236 00:15:37,124 --> 00:15:38,474 -Okay? -Okay. 237 00:15:38,517 --> 00:15:39,649 Okay? 238 00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:41,303 Yeah, okay. 239 00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:46,308 [children shouting indistinctly] 240 00:15:46,351 --> 00:15:48,832 -[phone ringing] -[dog barking] 241 00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:50,573 Shh. 242 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,618 [dog continues barking] 243 00:15:54,403 --> 00:15:55,795 David Sheff. 244 00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:57,319 WOMAN [on phone]: Hi, Mr. Sheff. 245 00:15:57,362 --> 00:15:59,625 This is Annie Goldblum from the Ohlhoff Center. 246 00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:01,758 Oh, yes. Hi. Hello. 247 00:16:01,801 --> 00:16:03,412 ANNIE: Listen, I am sorry to disturb you, 248 00:16:03,455 --> 00:16:06,284 but I need to inform you about Nic. 249 00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:08,678 Okay. 250 00:16:08,721 --> 00:16:11,289 He left the facility today during free time, 251 00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:14,205 and he hasn't returned since. 252 00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:15,598 [sighs] 253 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,947 I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff, 254 00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:18,470 but please don't despair. 255 00:16:18,514 --> 00:16:20,646 This happens. 256 00:16:20,690 --> 00:16:22,909 [sighs] But I... 257 00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:25,303 I thought you said he was doing so well. 258 00:16:25,347 --> 00:16:29,351 You should think of this as part of the process. 259 00:16:29,394 --> 00:16:31,701 Relapse is a part of recovery. 260 00:16:31,744 --> 00:16:33,659 Relapse is part of recovery? 261 00:16:33,703 --> 00:16:36,706 Yeah. It-it's a part of Nic's learning process. 262 00:16:36,749 --> 00:16:38,490 Well, uh, that's... 263 00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:41,928 that's like saying crashing is part of pilot training. 264 00:16:41,972 --> 00:16:44,670 Look, he'll be back, and probably really quick. 265 00:16:44,714 --> 00:16:46,542 [scoffs] Do you have somebody out looking for him? 266 00:16:46,585 --> 00:16:48,457 ANNIE: It is not our responsibility 267 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,023 once he leaves the facility. 268 00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:51,764 -DAVID: Okay. -But he is welcome to... 269 00:16:51,808 --> 00:16:53,766 [phone beeps] 270 00:16:53,810 --> 00:16:56,856 ["Territorial Pissings" by Nirvana playing] 271 00:17:05,517 --> 00:17:07,650 ♪ When I was 272 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,696 [young Nic singing along]: ♪ An alien 273 00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:15,919 ♪ Cultures weren't opinions 274 00:17:15,962 --> 00:17:18,225 ♪ Gotta find a way, to find a way ♪ 275 00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:20,837 ♪ When I'm there 276 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,492 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 277 00:17:23,535 --> 00:17:26,364 ♪ I'd better wait 278 00:17:26,408 --> 00:17:28,322 ♪ 279 00:17:28,366 --> 00:17:30,281 Excuse me. 280 00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:32,762 Have you seen a kid hanging out around here? 281 00:17:32,805 --> 00:17:34,590 -No. -No? 282 00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,940 Okay, thank you. 283 00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:41,814 ♪ Just because you're paranoid ♪ 284 00:17:41,858 --> 00:17:46,471 ♪ Don't mean they're not after you ♪ 285 00:17:46,515 --> 00:17:48,473 [music stops] 286 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,132 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 287 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,830 ♪ When I'm there 288 00:17:57,874 --> 00:18:00,050 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 289 00:18:00,093 --> 00:18:02,922 -♪ I'd better wait -[thunder rumbles] 290 00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:05,882 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 291 00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:08,667 ♪ I'd better wait 292 00:18:08,711 --> 00:18:11,191 ♪ Gotta find a way, a better way ♪ 293 00:18:11,235 --> 00:18:13,803 ♪ When I'm there 294 00:18:13,846 --> 00:18:15,413 ♪ Gotta find a way 295 00:18:15,457 --> 00:18:18,155 ♪ Aah, aah! 296 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,200 ♪ Aah! 297 00:18:20,244 --> 00:18:22,638 -[song ends] -[Nic retching] 298 00:18:22,681 --> 00:18:24,248 Wow. They don't want to deal with that. 299 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,510 Hey, Dad, you want to smoke this? 300 00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:26,729 -Hey, whoa. -[Nic chuckling] 301 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,252 Wait. What...? Stop. 302 00:18:28,295 --> 00:18:29,514 -Put that away. -We'll smoke this together. 303 00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:31,168 No, no, no. No. Are you cra... 304 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,822 -That's crazy. -Well, I know you smoke. 305 00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:34,432 -Y... Well, yeah. I... -So let's smoke together. 306 00:18:34,476 --> 00:18:36,042 No, no, no. Occasionally, like... 307 00:18:36,086 --> 00:18:37,783 -Look, let's smoke to... let's smoke together. -Listen. 308 00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,829 -Or I could just... You know what? -No, stop it, stop it. 309 00:18:39,872 --> 00:18:41,047 -Stop. Stop. -I'll just light it here a... 310 00:18:41,091 --> 00:18:42,179 You know what? You're right. 311 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,397 I'll just light it here alone. 312 00:18:43,441 --> 00:18:44,964 -[Nic laughs] -Don't. Occasionally, 313 00:18:45,008 --> 00:18:46,226 -from time to time... -Yeah? 314 00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:48,185 I will have a hit or two at a party, 315 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,969 but it's been a while, so just... 316 00:18:50,013 --> 00:18:51,493 Oh, okay, so then just smoke... 317 00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:54,147 have-have a celebratory joint with your son. 318 00:18:54,191 --> 00:18:56,802 N-No. God, come on. [chuckles] 319 00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:58,543 No. No, you're amazing. 320 00:18:58,587 --> 00:19:00,066 You got... you applied to six colleges, 321 00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:01,503 you got into all of them? 322 00:19:01,546 --> 00:19:02,634 Yeah. 323 00:19:02,678 --> 00:19:04,680 Stop doubting yourself. 324 00:19:04,723 --> 00:19:06,420 Look at you. 325 00:19:07,552 --> 00:19:09,989 Give me that. Give me that. 326 00:19:13,558 --> 00:19:15,212 -[laughing] -What? [laughs] 327 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,562 Nice-nice hit. That was a good hit. 328 00:19:17,606 --> 00:19:19,346 [both laughing] 329 00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:21,827 -What? -Well... 330 00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:26,876 Thank you. This is a nice... 331 00:19:26,919 --> 00:19:28,834 thing to do. 332 00:19:28,878 --> 00:19:30,836 [muttering] 333 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,317 You did a lot of drugs, right? 334 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,145 I, uh... 335 00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:37,364 Yeah, I did my share. 336 00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:38,844 I experimented with some drugs. 337 00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:40,367 -[laughs] -I did. 338 00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:42,848 [both laugh] 339 00:19:42,892 --> 00:19:44,197 -But not harmless. -What, is this...? 340 00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:45,634 There was a guy, and... No, no. 341 00:19:45,677 --> 00:19:46,852 This is the lecture part? 342 00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,593 -Right? -[sighs] Yes. 343 00:19:48,637 --> 00:19:50,073 Dad, you worry too much, all right? 344 00:19:50,116 --> 00:19:52,162 -Everyone does it. -Just be careful. 345 00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:54,643 It's just a little pot. I'm just partying a little. 346 00:19:54,686 --> 00:19:56,732 It's just... you know, it's just once in a while. 347 00:19:56,775 --> 00:19:58,124 Mm-hmm. 348 00:19:58,168 --> 00:20:00,387 I deserve to party a little now. 349 00:20:00,431 --> 00:20:01,911 -"Deserve to party." -I do. 350 00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:05,001 Look, it just... it takes the edge off things. 351 00:20:05,044 --> 00:20:08,526 It-it... it-it takes the edge off of stupid all-day reality. 352 00:20:08,570 --> 00:20:10,528 ♪ 353 00:20:10,572 --> 00:20:12,704 Hmm. 354 00:20:12,748 --> 00:20:16,360 What is stupid about reality? 355 00:20:16,403 --> 00:20:18,318 You know, just like... 356 00:20:18,362 --> 00:20:22,279 like daily, stupid things that don't matter. 357 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,759 -Okay. -[sighs] 358 00:20:23,802 --> 00:20:25,717 You cannot say dumb shit like that, 359 00:20:25,761 --> 00:20:27,197 or you're gonna start believing it. 360 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,894 Right. 361 00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:31,549 ["Sound and Vision" by David Bowie playing] 362 00:20:33,682 --> 00:20:35,640 ♪ Blue, blue, electric blue 363 00:20:35,684 --> 00:20:36,902 ♪ That's the color 364 00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:38,425 ♪ Of my room 365 00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:39,862 ♪ Where I will live 366 00:20:42,255 --> 00:20:44,127 ♪ Blue, blue 367 00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:49,654 ♪ Pale blinds drawn all day 368 00:20:49,698 --> 00:20:52,396 ♪ Nothing to do, nothing to say. ♪ 369 00:20:58,445 --> 00:21:00,622 Thanks for bringing that, Karen. 370 00:21:02,493 --> 00:21:04,277 [sighs] 371 00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:08,151 This is my home. 372 00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:12,024 DAVID: A couple of weeks ago, you told me 373 00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:15,593 that you had only done crystal meth once. 374 00:21:15,637 --> 00:21:18,552 And the story has to be bigger than that, right? 375 00:21:18,596 --> 00:21:20,729 -Mm-hmm. -There's more to it. 376 00:21:20,772 --> 00:21:22,034 Yeah? 377 00:21:22,078 --> 00:21:23,296 David. 378 00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:24,471 DAVID: We need to know. 379 00:21:25,516 --> 00:21:27,431 We need to know. 380 00:21:30,913 --> 00:21:33,306 I think I always liked it. 381 00:21:33,350 --> 00:21:35,395 What? 382 00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:39,704 Anything. Pot, alcohol, 383 00:21:39,748 --> 00:21:42,925 Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD. 384 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,404 [Nic sighs] 385 00:21:44,448 --> 00:21:46,755 And you've been doing all of that 386 00:21:46,798 --> 00:21:48,800 for what... years? 387 00:21:48,844 --> 00:21:50,846 A couple years, yeah. 388 00:21:52,064 --> 00:21:53,544 And crystal meth? 389 00:21:54,893 --> 00:21:56,939 Just a couple months. 390 00:21:58,331 --> 00:21:59,681 Wh-Why? 391 00:22:02,335 --> 00:22:03,336 I don't know. 392 00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:05,382 Um... 393 00:22:10,213 --> 00:22:13,042 When I tried it, I felt... 394 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:21,877 I felt better than I ever had, so... 395 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,314 I just kept on doing it. 396 00:22:24,357 --> 00:22:27,578 I was worried that you were smoking too much pot. 397 00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:32,104 Meanwhile, you're out doing every drug on the planet? 398 00:22:32,148 --> 00:22:36,195 And hiding it and lying? 399 00:22:36,239 --> 00:22:37,762 Why? 400 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,070 -I don't know. Um... -Why? 401 00:22:41,113 --> 00:22:42,767 -Nic, tell me why. -KAREN: Ease up. 402 00:22:42,811 --> 00:22:44,943 -I don't know. -I thought we were close. 403 00:22:44,987 --> 00:22:47,250 I thought we were closer than most fathers and sons. 404 00:22:47,293 --> 00:22:49,208 Yeah, I feel like you're always disappointed in me. 405 00:22:49,252 --> 00:22:50,688 You're disappointed I didn't go to college. 406 00:22:50,732 --> 00:22:51,863 Can you blame me?! 407 00:22:51,907 --> 00:22:53,517 Just, uh, not too long ago, 408 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,737 you were reading and you were writing, and you were on 409 00:22:55,780 --> 00:22:57,173 the water polo team. 410 00:22:57,216 --> 00:22:58,740 And look at us now. 411 00:22:58,783 --> 00:23:00,263 -Dad... -Can you please stop? -This isn't us. 412 00:23:00,306 --> 00:23:02,395 -This is not who we are. -KAREN: Just, please, 413 00:23:02,439 --> 00:23:04,093 both of you, stop. 414 00:23:04,136 --> 00:23:07,009 Dad, I'm really sorry about everything. 415 00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:10,621 Dad, I'm so... 416 00:23:13,189 --> 00:23:15,582 I'm really sorry, Dad. 417 00:23:16,714 --> 00:23:19,412 [David sighs] 418 00:23:19,456 --> 00:23:21,763 -Nic, what you have... -[exhales] 419 00:23:22,938 --> 00:23:25,375 ...you're gonna find it again. 420 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,073 [exhales] 421 00:23:28,117 --> 00:23:31,250 And you're gonna get it back. 422 00:23:31,294 --> 00:23:33,165 ♪ Long afloat on 423 00:23:33,209 --> 00:23:34,776 Ow, ow, ow. 424 00:23:34,819 --> 00:23:36,647 -Ow. There you go. -♪ Shipless oceans 425 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:38,301 [dog barking] 426 00:23:38,344 --> 00:23:41,957 ♪ I did all my best 427 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,872 ♪ To smile 428 00:23:45,569 --> 00:23:48,398 ♪ Till your singing 429 00:23:48,441 --> 00:23:50,922 ♪ Eyes and fingers 430 00:23:52,358 --> 00:23:55,840 ♪ Drew me loving 431 00:23:55,884 --> 00:23:59,191 ♪ To your isle 432 00:23:59,235 --> 00:24:00,714 ♪ And you sang 433 00:24:02,629 --> 00:24:04,544 ♪ Sail to me 434 00:24:05,981 --> 00:24:07,591 ♪ Sail to me 435 00:24:07,634 --> 00:24:11,073 ♪ Let me enfold you. 436 00:24:12,204 --> 00:24:14,076 DAVID: Nic! 437 00:24:23,955 --> 00:24:25,957 Nic! 438 00:24:27,263 --> 00:24:28,655 Nic! 439 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,137 Nic! 440 00:24:42,539 --> 00:24:44,541 Nic! 441 00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:48,197 [seagulls squawking] 442 00:24:50,808 --> 00:24:53,680 [whooping] 443 00:24:53,724 --> 00:24:55,291 [laughing] 444 00:24:58,947 --> 00:25:00,383 NIC: Hey, Dad. 445 00:25:00,426 --> 00:25:02,124 DAVID [on phone]: Hey. 446 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,777 How's New York? 447 00:25:03,821 --> 00:25:04,996 Fine. Good. 448 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,389 Good interview today. 449 00:25:06,432 --> 00:25:07,825 -Nice. -How are you? 450 00:25:07,869 --> 00:25:10,436 Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah. 451 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,090 Yeah? You sure? 452 00:25:12,134 --> 00:25:13,918 Yeah. I don't... well... 453 00:25:13,962 --> 00:25:15,702 What? 454 00:25:15,746 --> 00:25:17,313 It's, uh... 455 00:25:17,356 --> 00:25:18,792 What's going on? 456 00:25:18,836 --> 00:25:21,708 Uh, we had this great group session, 457 00:25:21,752 --> 00:25:24,320 and one of the guys here was saying he would do anything 458 00:25:24,363 --> 00:25:26,452 for a chance to go to college, but he can't. 459 00:25:26,496 --> 00:25:28,498 -Okay. -And when we were talking later, he said, 460 00:25:28,541 --> 00:25:30,717 "You could still go to college. Don't be an idiot. 461 00:25:30,761 --> 00:25:32,719 Go to college." 462 00:25:33,982 --> 00:25:35,505 I don't know, it's just crazy. 463 00:25:35,548 --> 00:25:38,551 I realized I don't think I should stay behind. 464 00:25:38,595 --> 00:25:39,770 I love writing. 465 00:25:39,813 --> 00:25:42,338 And I feel like I'm good at it, 466 00:25:42,381 --> 00:25:45,123 and I do it a lot, but... 467 00:25:45,167 --> 00:25:47,996 obviously, there's still a lot 468 00:25:48,039 --> 00:25:50,389 for-for me to learn and... 469 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,219 Anyway, um... 470 00:25:54,263 --> 00:25:57,048 I'd love to give it a go, if... 471 00:25:57,092 --> 00:25:59,921 you know, if it's all right with you guys. 472 00:26:02,793 --> 00:26:06,275 Yeah. I'll talk to Karen and to your mom. 473 00:26:07,319 --> 00:26:09,104 Back here. 474 00:26:09,147 --> 00:26:11,149 [quiet, indistinct conversation] 475 00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:16,676 [indistinct conversation] 476 00:26:27,209 --> 00:26:29,211 [indistinct talking, laughing nearby] 477 00:26:32,388 --> 00:26:33,998 Have you met your roommate yet? 478 00:26:34,042 --> 00:26:35,217 Yeah, he seems nice. 479 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,306 He's just in the hall. 480 00:26:37,349 --> 00:26:38,611 I feel for you, though. 481 00:26:38,655 --> 00:26:40,004 [Nic laughs] 482 00:26:40,048 --> 00:26:41,397 Ouch. 483 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,964 No worries. I'll educate him. 484 00:26:43,007 --> 00:26:44,748 [David laughs] 485 00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:47,011 Before you know it, he'll be listening to John Zorn. 486 00:26:47,055 --> 00:26:48,882 Ah. 487 00:26:51,102 --> 00:26:53,104 [sighs] 488 00:26:57,326 --> 00:26:59,241 Well, I better get going. 489 00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:00,633 All right. 490 00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:16,736 -Everything. -Everything. 491 00:27:16,780 --> 00:27:18,782 -[indistinct chatter] -[wheels rattling] 492 00:27:30,489 --> 00:27:32,187 NIC: So, this is a poem 493 00:27:32,230 --> 00:27:33,797 by Charles Bukowski. 494 00:27:35,451 --> 00:27:39,846 Uh, this man saved my life multiple times, so... 495 00:27:39,890 --> 00:27:43,415 "I changed jobs and cities, 496 00:27:43,459 --> 00:27:45,200 "I hated holidays, 497 00:27:45,243 --> 00:27:47,811 "babies, history, 498 00:27:47,854 --> 00:27:51,162 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 499 00:27:51,206 --> 00:27:55,166 marriage, movies, spiders..." 500 00:27:55,210 --> 00:27:56,994 I want to see it, I want to see it! Oh! 501 00:27:57,038 --> 00:27:58,343 NIC: "...garbagemen, 502 00:27:58,387 --> 00:27:59,649 -"English accents... -Nice. Go, go, go! 503 00:27:59,692 --> 00:28:01,781 NIC: "...Spain, France, 504 00:28:01,825 --> 00:28:05,829 "Italy, walnuts and the color orange. 505 00:28:05,872 --> 00:28:11,487 "Algebra angered me, opera sickened me, 506 00:28:11,530 --> 00:28:13,097 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake 507 00:28:13,141 --> 00:28:15,665 and flowers were for pansies." 508 00:28:19,408 --> 00:28:21,410 Thanks. 509 00:28:25,544 --> 00:28:27,546 [conversing indistinctly] 510 00:28:29,592 --> 00:28:32,334 ["Svefn-g-englar" by Sigur Rós playing] 511 00:28:37,339 --> 00:28:40,081 -[laughs] -Come here. 512 00:28:40,124 --> 00:28:42,083 ♪ 513 00:28:45,695 --> 00:28:47,784 Mm. 514 00:28:47,827 --> 00:28:50,395 Hi. [laughs] 515 00:28:57,750 --> 00:29:00,101 [giggles] 516 00:29:00,144 --> 00:29:02,407 ["Svefn-g-englar" continues, with singing in Icelandic] 517 00:29:02,451 --> 00:29:05,367 [indistinct chatter] 518 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,152 ♪ 519 00:29:08,196 --> 00:29:10,154 [indistinct chatter] 520 00:29:12,504 --> 00:29:14,027 Where's your bathroom? 521 00:29:14,071 --> 00:29:15,551 Hey, is there a bathroom I can use? 522 00:29:15,594 --> 00:29:16,639 WOMAN: Sure, honey. 523 00:29:16,682 --> 00:29:17,901 I'll show you where it is. 524 00:29:17,944 --> 00:29:19,511 Go right up, to the left. 525 00:29:19,555 --> 00:29:21,557 ♪ 526 00:29:33,482 --> 00:29:35,484 ♪ 527 00:29:41,185 --> 00:29:43,144 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 528 00:29:50,629 --> 00:29:52,631 ♪ 529 00:30:05,992 --> 00:30:07,690 [laughs] 530 00:30:14,131 --> 00:30:16,133 [indistinct chatter continues] 531 00:30:19,571 --> 00:30:21,530 ♪ 532 00:30:21,573 --> 00:30:23,575 [phone ringing] 533 00:30:23,619 --> 00:30:25,577 ♪ 534 00:30:25,621 --> 00:30:27,623 [phone ringing] 535 00:30:31,888 --> 00:30:34,238 -Hey, Dad. -DAVID [on phone]: Hey, Nic. 536 00:30:34,282 --> 00:30:36,022 How you doing? What's going on? 537 00:30:36,066 --> 00:30:37,459 Oh, no, everything's going great here, yeah. 538 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:38,938 Oh, hey, thanks for sending the money. 539 00:30:38,982 --> 00:30:40,113 I really appreciate that. 540 00:30:40,157 --> 00:30:42,159 ♪ 541 00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:55,564 ♪ 542 00:31:09,882 --> 00:31:12,363 ♪ 543 00:31:26,421 --> 00:31:28,423 ♪ 544 00:31:43,002 --> 00:31:45,962 [laughter nearby] 545 00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:49,400 [indistinct chatter] 546 00:31:49,444 --> 00:31:51,446 ♪ 547 00:31:59,671 --> 00:32:01,847 [chiming quietly] 548 00:32:06,765 --> 00:32:09,377 DAVID [chuckles]: Yeah, you always hog the fondue. 549 00:32:09,420 --> 00:32:11,901 Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil are going hiking tomorrow, 550 00:32:11,944 --> 00:32:14,991 so they'd like us to join them. 551 00:32:15,034 --> 00:32:16,993 ♪ 552 00:32:17,036 --> 00:32:19,343 [mouthing] 553 00:32:19,387 --> 00:32:20,910 Are Jasper and Daisy here, by any...? 554 00:32:20,953 --> 00:32:22,912 -They're not here. -No? 555 00:32:22,955 --> 00:32:24,653 -No. -Oh, they didn't want to see me? 556 00:32:24,696 --> 00:32:27,220 -No, they didn't want to see you. -Oh, that's tough to hear. 557 00:32:27,264 --> 00:32:30,311 Uh, well, I'm gonna just have a seat on this couch 558 00:32:30,354 --> 00:32:31,442 and think about that, huh? 559 00:32:31,486 --> 00:32:32,878 -Oh! -Whoa! Whoa! 560 00:32:32,922 --> 00:32:36,273 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's Daisy! 561 00:32:36,317 --> 00:32:37,883 Oh, Jasper! 562 00:32:37,927 --> 00:32:40,756 Oh, my God, you guys have gotten so much bigger! 563 00:32:40,799 --> 00:32:43,802 Oh! Oh, my God, you're so...! [yells] 564 00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:46,762 -DAVID: Okay. -Denmark, 1632. 565 00:32:46,805 --> 00:32:48,938 -Oh, no. -We... 566 00:32:48,981 --> 00:32:53,072 Like to look back at the history of Hula-Hoops. 567 00:32:53,116 --> 00:32:55,640 NIC: So important to, uh, 568 00:32:55,684 --> 00:32:57,990 the culture of peace and wisdom. 569 00:32:58,034 --> 00:32:59,514 DAVID: Um, a man 570 00:32:59,557 --> 00:33:01,820 -named George... -Hoopulu. 571 00:33:01,864 --> 00:33:04,910 -[laughter] -Was, uh... was, uh... 572 00:33:04,954 --> 00:33:06,608 And he thought... 573 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:09,175 [mock Danish accent]: "Well, I'm going to 574 00:33:09,219 --> 00:33:10,786 develop something that I..." 575 00:33:16,313 --> 00:33:17,662 Hey. 576 00:33:17,706 --> 00:33:20,578 -Hey. Uh... -[sighs] 577 00:33:20,622 --> 00:33:23,059 Hey. Um... 578 00:33:23,102 --> 00:33:26,018 I was wondering, do you think I could use your car tonight? 579 00:33:26,062 --> 00:33:28,456 'Cause I just... I want to go to a meeting. 580 00:33:28,499 --> 00:33:30,414 Oh. You got a meeting tonight? 581 00:33:30,458 --> 00:33:32,285 Yeah, sure. 582 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,029 Y-You good? 583 00:33:37,073 --> 00:33:38,727 [chuckles softly]: Yeah. I just... 584 00:33:39,989 --> 00:33:41,425 -They're crazy. -Yeah. 585 00:33:41,469 --> 00:33:44,123 They're really excited you're home. 586 00:33:46,169 --> 00:33:48,998 -I mean, I'll see you in the morning, I guess. -Okay. 587 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,654 All right. 588 00:34:05,754 --> 00:34:07,973 [rock instrumental playing] 589 00:34:15,416 --> 00:34:17,243 Yep! Mm! 590 00:34:17,287 --> 00:34:20,856 [mumbling incoherently] 591 00:34:25,774 --> 00:34:28,907 ♪ 592 00:34:31,257 --> 00:34:33,216 [distorted whirr of passing car] 593 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,308 [inhales] 594 00:34:39,875 --> 00:34:41,616 JASPER: Where is it?! 595 00:34:41,659 --> 00:34:43,182 DAISY: I don't have it! 596 00:34:43,226 --> 00:34:44,706 JASPER: Where is it?! 597 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,272 DAISY: I don't have it! 598 00:34:46,316 --> 00:34:48,100 DAVID: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 599 00:34:48,144 --> 00:34:49,798 JASPER: Where is it?! 600 00:34:49,841 --> 00:34:51,495 -DAVID: Guys, guys, stop it. -DAISY: I don't know! 601 00:34:51,539 --> 00:34:53,323 DAVID: Stop. Calm down. What's going on in here? 602 00:34:53,366 --> 00:34:55,151 JASPER: She took my money! 603 00:34:55,194 --> 00:34:56,587 DAISY [sobbing]: I didn't. 604 00:34:56,631 --> 00:34:58,807 DAVID: Okay, all right. Come on, go downstairs 605 00:34:58,850 --> 00:35:00,548 -and see Mommy, all right? -You took them! 606 00:35:00,591 --> 00:35:02,506 -[sobbing] -Don't, don't, don't. Stop, stop. 607 00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:05,553 -I didn't take it, Daddy. -I know you didn't. All right. 608 00:35:05,596 --> 00:35:08,338 Just go downstairs and have some breakfast. 609 00:35:08,381 --> 00:35:09,470 Hey, what happened? 610 00:35:09,513 --> 00:35:11,123 [Jasper shuddering] 611 00:35:11,167 --> 00:35:12,516 They're gone. 612 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,040 Okay. Are you sure you had it in there? 613 00:35:15,084 --> 00:35:18,217 -Yeah. I had them yesterday. -Okay. 614 00:35:25,224 --> 00:35:27,226 Jasper's savings disappeared. 615 00:35:29,228 --> 00:35:31,230 Yeah? That's weird. 616 00:35:36,584 --> 00:35:39,543 Did you take his eight dollars? 617 00:35:40,718 --> 00:35:42,198 [laughs]: What? 618 00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:43,504 You heard me. 619 00:35:44,548 --> 00:35:46,289 Why would I? 620 00:35:46,332 --> 00:35:49,074 It disappeared, and somebody has to have done it. 621 00:35:49,118 --> 00:35:50,989 Right, so it's me. 622 00:35:51,033 --> 00:35:53,426 This is fucking ridiculous. 623 00:35:53,470 --> 00:35:56,647 -[stammers, sighs] -Are you using again? 624 00:35:56,691 --> 00:35:59,476 Am I using again? No. 625 00:36:01,478 --> 00:36:04,220 Are you high right now? 626 00:36:04,263 --> 00:36:05,874 What the f...? No. 627 00:36:05,917 --> 00:36:07,963 -Fuck you. -"Fuck you"? 628 00:36:08,006 --> 00:36:09,486 Don't talk to me that way. 629 00:36:09,530 --> 00:36:11,096 Are you high right now? 630 00:36:11,140 --> 00:36:12,489 No. 631 00:36:12,533 --> 00:36:14,099 You're not using right now? 632 00:36:14,143 --> 00:36:15,536 Are you using? 633 00:36:15,579 --> 00:36:19,235 No, Dad, I'm not fucking high right now! 634 00:36:19,278 --> 00:36:21,280 Okay. 635 00:36:24,632 --> 00:36:27,939 Listen, it was a gamble to send you to college. 636 00:36:27,983 --> 00:36:30,681 Everybody supported it. 637 00:36:30,725 --> 00:36:32,683 I'm glad that you went. 638 00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:36,382 Relapse is a part of rec... 639 00:36:36,426 --> 00:36:38,341 Relapse is part of recovery. 640 00:36:38,384 --> 00:36:42,301 -So we're gonna get... -I better leave. 641 00:36:50,701 --> 00:36:53,182 -David? -Hey. 642 00:36:53,225 --> 00:36:55,967 Just... where-where are you gonna go? 643 00:36:56,011 --> 00:36:58,274 You can't just leave. This is ridiculous. 644 00:36:58,317 --> 00:36:59,928 -Come on. -Will you talk to us? 645 00:36:59,971 --> 00:37:01,886 I mean, really... we just want to talk to you. 646 00:37:01,930 --> 00:37:04,323 Why don't... Try to help us understand. 647 00:37:04,367 --> 00:37:06,021 -Or just let us help you. -All right? 648 00:37:06,064 --> 00:37:07,544 I don't want your fucking help. Don't you understand that? 649 00:37:07,588 --> 00:37:08,937 -No. -No, you don't. Jesus Christ, then what 650 00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:10,286 the fuck is wrong with you, then, huh? 651 00:37:10,329 --> 00:37:11,722 -What the hell is wrong with you people? -Nic. 652 00:37:11,766 --> 00:37:13,245 -No! You fucking suffocate me. -Hey. 653 00:37:13,289 --> 00:37:14,856 -Oh... -You fucking suffocate me! 654 00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:17,336 Whoa, it's us? We're the problem? 655 00:37:17,380 --> 00:37:19,600 No. You know what, you're the one who's doing it! 656 00:37:19,643 --> 00:37:21,340 You're the one who's causing it! 657 00:37:21,384 --> 00:37:23,604 And you're the only one who can stop it! 658 00:37:23,647 --> 00:37:25,606 Fucking solve it! 659 00:37:47,062 --> 00:37:49,064 [grunts] 660 00:37:53,895 --> 00:37:54,939 Fuck! 661 00:37:55,984 --> 00:37:57,507 Fuck! 662 00:37:59,335 --> 00:38:00,510 [sniffs] 663 00:38:20,095 --> 00:38:22,097 ♪ 664 00:38:32,063 --> 00:38:34,065 [David sighs] 665 00:38:39,288 --> 00:38:41,116 [turns page] 666 00:38:54,346 --> 00:38:56,348 ♪ 667 00:39:15,150 --> 00:39:17,935 ♪ 668 00:39:39,087 --> 00:39:41,089 ♪ 669 00:39:50,620 --> 00:39:53,014 DR. BROWN: So, this is for the, uh, 670 00:39:53,057 --> 00:39:54,755 New York Times Magazine? 671 00:39:54,798 --> 00:39:56,539 Oh, no. 672 00:39:56,582 --> 00:39:57,888 I'm a... I-I write. 673 00:39:57,932 --> 00:39:59,455 I freelance for different magazines, 674 00:39:59,498 --> 00:40:02,545 but this is... this is a personal matter. 675 00:40:02,588 --> 00:40:04,808 -A personal matter? -Yes. I'm sorry. 676 00:40:04,852 --> 00:40:07,071 -Is that okay? -Uh, no, it's absolutely okay. 677 00:40:07,115 --> 00:40:08,986 May I ask what-what this is regarding? 678 00:40:09,030 --> 00:40:11,467 Uh, it's about my son. 679 00:40:11,510 --> 00:40:13,512 Okay. 680 00:40:16,515 --> 00:40:19,736 DAVID: He's been doing all sorts of drugs, 681 00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:21,651 but he's addicted to crystal meth, 682 00:40:21,694 --> 00:40:25,481 which seems, uh, to be the worst of all of them. 683 00:40:25,524 --> 00:40:27,788 And I guess I'm here 684 00:40:27,831 --> 00:40:31,530 because I just want to know all that I can 685 00:40:31,574 --> 00:40:34,533 about all of it. 686 00:40:34,577 --> 00:40:37,101 So, uh, crystal meth, uh, 687 00:40:37,145 --> 00:40:39,016 gives the user a feeling of instant euphoria-- 688 00:40:39,060 --> 00:40:41,627 at least, when he takes it. 689 00:40:41,671 --> 00:40:42,846 You know, but when it wears off, 690 00:40:42,890 --> 00:40:44,674 with a depletion of as much as 60% 691 00:40:44,717 --> 00:40:47,633 of the dopamine, the user has to up the doses. 692 00:40:47,677 --> 00:40:51,681 He has to double it, triple it just to feel something, 693 00:40:51,724 --> 00:40:53,857 causing even more nerve damage, 694 00:40:53,901 --> 00:40:57,774 which, uh, increases the compulsion to use. 695 00:40:57,818 --> 00:40:59,341 Horrible cycle. 696 00:40:59,384 --> 00:41:01,343 [typing] 697 00:41:01,386 --> 00:41:03,562 -What's up? -Hey. 698 00:41:03,606 --> 00:41:06,304 Just doing some research. 699 00:41:23,756 --> 00:41:25,758 ♪ 700 00:41:33,592 --> 00:41:35,551 Hi. 701 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,689 Are you hungry? 702 00:41:43,733 --> 00:41:46,867 You want to get something? 703 00:41:46,910 --> 00:41:49,521 Most guys just ask me for a blow job. [chuckles] 704 00:41:49,565 --> 00:41:53,134 Oh, no. No, I'm just offering something to eat. 705 00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:55,571 Maybe talk a little, if you're up to it. 706 00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:58,966 DR. BROWN: Meth changes the brain physically. 707 00:41:59,009 --> 00:42:01,446 Here we see the loss of dopamine receptors 708 00:42:01,490 --> 00:42:03,448 in a meth user's brain. 709 00:42:03,492 --> 00:42:07,061 Now, I'm gonna show you something else here. 710 00:42:07,104 --> 00:42:09,802 Do you see, uh, right here there are these two red, uh... 711 00:42:09,846 --> 00:42:11,413 -large, red spots right here? -Yeah. 712 00:42:11,456 --> 00:42:14,198 Okay, what that shows is hyperactivity in the amygdala. 713 00:42:14,242 --> 00:42:16,157 And the amygdala is a region of the brain 714 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,681 that is linked with anxiety and fear. 715 00:42:18,724 --> 00:42:20,857 Here the amygdala is screaming. 716 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,645 What this shows us 717 00:42:26,689 --> 00:42:29,083 is that there is a biological basis, 718 00:42:29,126 --> 00:42:32,825 uh, that meth users may be unable-- 719 00:42:32,869 --> 00:42:34,958 not unwilling, but unable-- 720 00:42:35,002 --> 00:42:37,961 to participate in normal treatment programs. 721 00:42:38,005 --> 00:42:39,484 GIRL: I was in rehab, too. 722 00:42:40,616 --> 00:42:42,139 Three times. 723 00:42:42,183 --> 00:42:44,620 Ran away every time. [chuckles] 724 00:42:44,663 --> 00:42:47,101 Why? 725 00:42:47,144 --> 00:42:49,320 It was hell. 726 00:42:49,364 --> 00:42:51,757 Wanted to die. 727 00:42:51,801 --> 00:42:53,759 Why was it hell? 728 00:42:53,803 --> 00:42:56,632 All that God shit. 729 00:42:56,675 --> 00:42:58,634 Also, you just don't know how good it gets 730 00:42:58,677 --> 00:43:00,636 when it gets good. 731 00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:02,768 It's hard to explain. 732 00:43:02,812 --> 00:43:04,683 Feels like cocaine 733 00:43:04,727 --> 00:43:06,294 but multiplied by, like, a thousand. 734 00:43:06,337 --> 00:43:07,991 Or, like, a million. 735 00:43:08,035 --> 00:43:10,646 DAVID: What does this mean for Nic? 736 00:43:10,689 --> 00:43:12,648 Look, Mr. Sheff, I... 737 00:43:12,691 --> 00:43:15,607 I don't know who promised you what, 738 00:43:15,651 --> 00:43:19,655 but the success percentage is in the single digits. 739 00:43:19,698 --> 00:43:21,570 [exhales, chuckles] 740 00:43:21,613 --> 00:43:22,963 Okay. 741 00:43:25,052 --> 00:43:27,837 What about your parents? 742 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,013 What about them? 743 00:43:30,057 --> 00:43:32,885 Don't you think they're worried about you? 744 00:43:32,929 --> 00:43:35,410 Shouldn't you... 745 00:43:35,453 --> 00:43:37,716 let them know that... 746 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,023 They don't care. 747 00:43:40,067 --> 00:43:43,418 Well, I think they do. 748 00:43:44,462 --> 00:43:47,465 What the fuck do you know? 749 00:43:54,255 --> 00:43:56,213 I gotta go. 750 00:43:56,257 --> 00:43:59,434 Oh. Okay. 751 00:44:02,785 --> 00:44:05,353 Thanks. 752 00:44:10,401 --> 00:44:12,403 [indistinct chatter] 753 00:44:22,979 --> 00:44:25,764 -Hey! -Hey! Hey, now! 754 00:44:25,808 --> 00:44:28,289 [indistinct chatter continues] 755 00:44:34,469 --> 00:44:36,558 [indistinct chatter] 756 00:44:46,698 --> 00:44:49,049 [crickets chirping] 757 00:45:06,631 --> 00:45:08,633 [sighs] 758 00:45:15,466 --> 00:45:18,774 [sniffs] 759 00:45:18,817 --> 00:45:21,211 [grunting] 760 00:45:22,821 --> 00:45:24,388 God. 761 00:45:42,102 --> 00:45:44,104 [jazz playing] 762 00:45:56,420 --> 00:45:57,813 [computer chimes] 763 00:45:57,856 --> 00:45:59,510 [sighs] 764 00:46:00,511 --> 00:46:02,513 [computer chimes] 765 00:46:07,170 --> 00:46:09,346 ♪ 766 00:46:30,585 --> 00:46:33,544 [takes deep breath] 767 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,602 [indistinct chatter] 768 00:46:53,260 --> 00:46:55,175 DAVID: I'm gonna try some Klingon on you. 769 00:46:55,218 --> 00:46:56,306 Ready? 770 00:46:57,568 --> 00:47:00,919 [speaking mock Klingon] 771 00:47:04,923 --> 00:47:07,099 -You know what I said? -May I have a Coca-Cola? 772 00:47:07,143 --> 00:47:08,536 -Exactly. -[both laugh] 773 00:47:08,579 --> 00:47:10,364 DAVID [chuckling]: That's it. 774 00:47:10,407 --> 00:47:12,366 That's exactly what I asked. 775 00:47:12,409 --> 00:47:13,845 Can I have a Coca-Cola? 776 00:47:13,889 --> 00:47:15,760 All right. If you ask me in Klingon, 777 00:47:15,804 --> 00:47:17,806 maybe I'll get you a Coke. 778 00:47:18,894 --> 00:47:20,896 [speaking mock Klingon] 779 00:47:35,389 --> 00:47:37,521 Hey. 780 00:47:50,055 --> 00:47:52,014 Oh, wow. 781 00:47:53,450 --> 00:47:55,670 [chuckles] This hasn't changed at all. 782 00:47:55,713 --> 00:47:58,803 [laughs] This place. 783 00:47:59,935 --> 00:48:01,632 -Hey. -So, how you doing? 784 00:48:01,676 --> 00:48:03,068 I'm doing great. 785 00:48:03,112 --> 00:48:05,288 You know, just, um... 786 00:48:05,332 --> 00:48:07,116 um... 787 00:48:07,159 --> 00:48:09,118 just doing what needs to be done. 788 00:48:10,162 --> 00:48:11,990 What does that mean? 789 00:48:12,034 --> 00:48:15,777 Just being responsible for myself and... 790 00:48:15,820 --> 00:48:18,040 I've quit on my own, you know, so... 791 00:48:18,083 --> 00:48:20,216 I got five days now. 792 00:48:21,826 --> 00:48:24,089 I feel like I'm doing well, but I just need, um... 793 00:48:24,133 --> 00:48:27,267 I just need a few hundred bucks, though. 794 00:48:27,310 --> 00:48:29,007 Nic, I can't give you any money. 795 00:48:31,009 --> 00:48:32,968 Yeah. 796 00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:35,231 Okay. 797 00:48:35,275 --> 00:48:36,972 It's just 200 bucks. I just need, um... 798 00:48:37,015 --> 00:48:38,539 I just need to get some shit together. 799 00:48:38,582 --> 00:48:39,844 I want to go to New York. 800 00:48:39,888 --> 00:48:42,151 -New York? -Yeah. 801 00:48:42,194 --> 00:48:44,022 I need to get out of San Francisco. 802 00:48:44,066 --> 00:48:45,720 There's too many... 803 00:48:45,763 --> 00:48:47,635 [laughing]: All these fucking bad vibes here 804 00:48:47,678 --> 00:48:50,594 all the time. 805 00:48:50,638 --> 00:48:52,509 Yeah, I just need a few hundred bucks. 806 00:48:52,553 --> 00:48:54,903 Why don't we just have lunch and talk? 807 00:48:54,946 --> 00:48:57,471 -We can do that, right? -Mm. 808 00:48:57,514 --> 00:48:59,081 Hmm. 809 00:49:03,477 --> 00:49:06,175 How... how's Karen and, uh... and the kids? 810 00:49:06,218 --> 00:49:09,613 Okay. They ask about you. 811 00:49:09,657 --> 00:49:12,529 It's their step-up next week, and I know they'd love you... 812 00:49:12,573 --> 00:49:14,444 Dad, you're, uh... you're guilt-tripping me, all right? 813 00:49:14,488 --> 00:49:15,967 No, I'm just saying... 814 00:49:16,011 --> 00:49:18,274 I should feel horrible about myself. 815 00:49:19,797 --> 00:49:24,411 I know they wanted you to be there, that's all. 816 00:49:24,454 --> 00:49:26,108 I'm sorry, Dad. 817 00:49:26,151 --> 00:49:29,633 Um... I just need some fucking money, all right? 818 00:49:29,677 --> 00:49:31,113 So please just give me some fucking money. 819 00:49:31,156 --> 00:49:32,419 And then what? Where does this end? 820 00:49:32,462 --> 00:49:33,985 This is... I got to see this one through. 821 00:49:34,029 --> 00:49:35,596 This is kind of working out for me right now. 822 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:36,901 -I got five days sober. -It doesn't look 823 00:49:36,945 --> 00:49:38,163 like it's working out, Nic. 824 00:49:38,207 --> 00:49:39,339 Oh, it doesn't look like it's working out? 825 00:49:39,382 --> 00:49:40,252 -So what, then, therapy? Huh? -No. 826 00:49:40,296 --> 00:49:41,689 -You can come home. -No. 827 00:49:41,732 --> 00:49:43,168 -That wouldn't... -We'll make it work. Please. 828 00:49:43,212 --> 00:49:44,692 Nic. 829 00:49:45,910 --> 00:49:47,738 Please. 830 00:49:54,528 --> 00:49:57,095 -I've been doing some research. -Been doing fucking research? 831 00:49:57,139 --> 00:49:59,141 -You got to be kidding me, Dad. -No... 832 00:49:59,184 --> 00:50:01,143 You think that you have this under control. 833 00:50:01,186 --> 00:50:04,276 -Mm-hmm. -And I understand how scared you are. 834 00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,278 I understand why I do things-- it doesn't make me 835 00:50:06,322 --> 00:50:08,803 any different, all right? I'm attracted to craziness. 836 00:50:08,846 --> 00:50:10,805 And you're just embarrassed, 'cause I was, like, you know... 837 00:50:10,848 --> 00:50:12,067 I was, like, this amazing thing, 838 00:50:12,110 --> 00:50:14,025 like, your special creation or something, 839 00:50:14,069 --> 00:50:16,419 -and you don't like who I am now. -Yeah? 840 00:50:16,463 --> 00:50:18,160 -Who are you, Nic? -This is me, Dad. 841 00:50:18,203 --> 00:50:20,205 Here. This is who I am. 842 00:50:27,474 --> 00:50:29,563 You don't like what you see? 843 00:50:36,004 --> 00:50:40,269 You know, the more I think about it... 844 00:50:40,312 --> 00:50:42,532 Mom should've gotten custody. 845 00:50:42,576 --> 00:50:45,100 Because you always gotta be fucking 846 00:50:45,143 --> 00:50:46,971 controlling everything all the time. 847 00:50:47,015 --> 00:50:49,539 You're allowed to be mad at me, Nic. I made mistakes. 848 00:50:49,583 --> 00:50:52,455 I understand that. I wish that I hadn't, but I did. 849 00:50:52,499 --> 00:50:55,284 But, God, what you're saying right now 850 00:50:55,327 --> 00:50:58,330 -doesn't make any sense. -You're doing this right now! 851 00:50:58,374 --> 00:51:00,071 -You're fucking controlling me right now! -It's not you. 852 00:51:00,115 --> 00:51:01,943 It is not you, Nic. It is the drugs talking. 853 00:51:01,986 --> 00:51:03,118 What does that even fucking mean, huh? 854 00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:04,554 Psychological terror. 855 00:51:04,598 --> 00:51:06,121 -It's what addicts do. -What the fuck 856 00:51:06,164 --> 00:51:07,427 are you doing right now, huh? 857 00:51:07,470 --> 00:51:10,342 What is this? What are you doing, huh? 858 00:51:18,394 --> 00:51:20,396 [sighs]: Oh, man. 859 00:51:23,486 --> 00:51:26,446 I didn't want it to go like this. [smacks lips] 860 00:51:28,317 --> 00:51:30,145 [chuckles] 861 00:51:30,188 --> 00:51:31,755 All right. 862 00:51:31,799 --> 00:51:33,453 I should go, Dad. 863 00:51:33,496 --> 00:51:35,542 [Nic sighs heavily] 864 00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:40,851 -Let me... let me book you a room. -No, Dad. 865 00:51:40,895 --> 00:51:43,593 -At a hotel for a couple of nights. -No. Dad... 866 00:51:43,637 --> 00:51:46,857 -Why don't we just go get some food? -Dad, I should go. 867 00:51:48,424 --> 00:51:49,686 Can you say good-bye, at least? 868 00:51:49,730 --> 00:51:51,253 Bye, Dad. 869 00:51:54,169 --> 00:51:55,779 [door opens] 870 00:51:58,478 --> 00:51:59,696 [door closes] 871 00:52:03,004 --> 00:52:04,962 JASPER: Where does he sleep? 872 00:52:05,006 --> 00:52:07,530 DAVID: Um, don't worry about that, sweetie. 873 00:52:07,574 --> 00:52:08,705 He's fine. 874 00:52:13,754 --> 00:52:16,147 Um... 875 00:52:16,191 --> 00:52:18,976 maybe he has a friend and he sleeps there. 876 00:52:19,020 --> 00:52:22,719 -DAVID: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe. -DAISY: Dolphin. 877 00:52:22,763 --> 00:52:24,504 -DAVID: Hope so. -DAISY: Need "E." 878 00:52:24,547 --> 00:52:25,896 Elephant. 879 00:52:25,940 --> 00:52:28,072 -Can I call him? -Hmm. 880 00:52:28,116 --> 00:52:29,857 -No. I tried. -[Daisy speaks indistinctly] 881 00:52:29,900 --> 00:52:32,947 -His phone's disconnected. -Can I send him a message? 882 00:52:32,990 --> 00:52:37,299 Maybe he'll get lonely and turn his phone back on? 883 00:52:37,342 --> 00:52:39,736 That's a good idea. 884 00:52:39,780 --> 00:52:41,738 Yeah. Let's try that. 885 00:52:41,782 --> 00:52:44,524 [Daisy speaks indistinctly] 886 00:52:44,567 --> 00:52:46,961 [crickets chirping softly] 887 00:53:05,283 --> 00:53:07,677 -♪ -[typing] 888 00:53:26,522 --> 00:53:28,916 [vehicle passing by] 889 00:53:35,879 --> 00:53:37,577 KAREN [calls]: Dave. 890 00:53:37,620 --> 00:53:39,927 -Yeah? -[quietly]: Okay. Let's go. 891 00:53:40,928 --> 00:53:43,626 [footsteps approaching] 892 00:53:43,670 --> 00:53:45,628 Hey, Dave, close your eyes. 893 00:53:45,672 --> 00:53:47,195 Okay. 894 00:53:50,677 --> 00:53:52,635 And... open 'em! 895 00:53:53,984 --> 00:53:55,682 [whispers]: Oh. Wow. 896 00:53:55,725 --> 00:53:57,118 Wow! 897 00:53:57,161 --> 00:53:59,773 [faint, distorted voices of children singing] 898 00:54:01,601 --> 00:54:04,604 -[waves lapping gently] -[faint singing continues] 899 00:54:17,747 --> 00:54:21,185 [voices fade] 900 00:54:24,145 --> 00:54:27,148 [waves continue lapping] 901 00:54:33,763 --> 00:54:36,200 [phone ringing] 902 00:54:46,123 --> 00:54:48,560 [phone continues ringing] 903 00:54:55,350 --> 00:54:57,047 Hello? 904 00:54:57,091 --> 00:54:59,876 This is Julie Ford at the Bellevue Hospital in New York. 905 00:54:59,920 --> 00:55:01,748 Is Nic Sheff your son? 906 00:55:05,316 --> 00:55:06,840 MAN: Uh, Mr. Sheff, 907 00:55:06,883 --> 00:55:09,320 I'm sorry we missed each other earlier. 908 00:55:09,364 --> 00:55:12,497 So, Nic is still experiencing some respiratory depression, 909 00:55:12,541 --> 00:55:14,412 but his vital signs are returning. 910 00:55:14,456 --> 00:55:16,806 Sir, we're ready for departure. 911 00:55:16,850 --> 00:55:18,329 Okay, okay. 912 00:55:18,373 --> 00:55:20,984 Um... may I talk to him? 913 00:55:21,028 --> 00:55:23,421 -No, that won't be possible. -Sir, I need you to turn off 914 00:55:23,465 --> 00:55:25,075 -the phone. -Believe me, we shouldn't wake him up. 915 00:55:25,119 --> 00:55:26,990 -Mm-hmm. -Try again in a few hours, though, okay? 916 00:55:27,034 --> 00:55:29,993 -Okay. Uh, would you let him know that... -Sir. Sir. 917 00:55:30,037 --> 00:55:33,431 -Please. -Would you please let him know that I'm on my way? 918 00:55:33,475 --> 00:55:34,868 [ding] 919 00:55:35,825 --> 00:55:37,044 [beep] 920 00:55:37,087 --> 00:55:38,872 [indistinct announcement over P.A.] 921 00:55:38,915 --> 00:55:41,788 ♪ 922 00:55:41,831 --> 00:55:43,006 WOMAN: He checked out. 923 00:55:43,050 --> 00:55:44,268 DAVID: What? 924 00:55:44,312 --> 00:55:45,748 Against doctor's orders. 925 00:55:45,792 --> 00:55:47,837 -No, no, he O.D.'d. -I'm sorry, sir. 926 00:55:47,881 --> 00:55:50,187 He pulled out the I.V. and catheter, and left. 927 00:55:50,231 --> 00:55:51,623 How long ago? 928 00:55:51,667 --> 00:55:54,104 Ten to 15 minutes. 929 00:55:54,148 --> 00:55:56,541 I'm sorry, sir. 930 00:55:56,585 --> 00:55:58,935 ♪ 931 00:56:02,678 --> 00:56:05,028 ["Darling" by the Chips playing] 932 00:56:07,770 --> 00:56:10,425 ♪ Darling, I need your love... ♪ 933 00:56:14,211 --> 00:56:15,430 [sighs] 934 00:56:15,473 --> 00:56:17,867 [phone ringing] 935 00:56:20,217 --> 00:56:22,176 -[beep] -Yes. 936 00:56:22,219 --> 00:56:24,395 [Nic crying] 937 00:56:24,439 --> 00:56:26,615 -[bell jingling] -♪ Your love 938 00:56:26,658 --> 00:56:29,879 ♪ Darling, I need your love 939 00:56:29,923 --> 00:56:32,055 ♪ Darling 940 00:56:32,099 --> 00:56:36,059 ♪ I love you so 941 00:56:36,103 --> 00:56:40,063 ♪ And I want the whole world to know ♪ 942 00:56:40,107 --> 00:56:42,805 ♪ I'll never let you go... 943 00:56:42,849 --> 00:56:44,894 NIC: Look, I've thought about it, 944 00:56:44,938 --> 00:56:46,809 and I'm done with drugs. 945 00:56:46,853 --> 00:56:48,942 This is it. 946 00:56:51,335 --> 00:56:53,729 I'm telling you, Dad. 947 00:56:53,773 --> 00:56:55,731 I'm done. 948 00:56:55,775 --> 00:56:59,779 ♪ You're all I ever dream of 949 00:57:01,345 --> 00:57:04,784 ♪ Never leave me... 950 00:57:05,915 --> 00:57:08,309 And how would that work? 951 00:57:08,352 --> 00:57:11,834 I mean, after what just happened. 952 00:57:11,878 --> 00:57:15,707 -♪ Oh... -♪ Stay with me 953 00:57:15,751 --> 00:57:19,711 ♪ Oh, stay with me, oh, darling ♪ 954 00:57:19,755 --> 00:57:23,106 -♪ Darling, I need your kiss -[crying] 955 00:57:23,150 --> 00:57:25,630 ♪ Your love I can't resist... 956 00:57:27,067 --> 00:57:29,199 REPORTER: Now, if you're in the area, 957 00:57:29,243 --> 00:57:30,810 evacuation orders and details, 958 00:57:30,853 --> 00:57:33,116 including relocation centers, can be found on... 959 00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,510 DAVID: So, at 3:00, we have a conference call 960 00:57:35,553 --> 00:57:37,120 with the intake people in Mississippi. 961 00:57:37,164 --> 00:57:38,469 REPORTER: That's all for now. 962 00:57:38,513 --> 00:57:40,123 DAVID: 3:30, the one in New Mexico. 963 00:57:40,167 --> 00:57:42,125 And 4:00, the one in Oregon. 964 00:57:42,169 --> 00:57:44,867 VICKI: I did some research on the one in New Mexico. 965 00:57:44,911 --> 00:57:48,218 -DAVID: Mm-hmm. -They charge $40,000 a month. 966 00:57:48,262 --> 00:57:49,829 You know, it's not even that well rated. 967 00:57:49,872 --> 00:57:51,918 We'll just skip that one. 968 00:57:51,961 --> 00:57:54,703 VICKI: Listen, if a spot opens up here in Los Angeles, 969 00:57:54,746 --> 00:57:56,923 maybe that's the best solution for now. 970 00:57:56,966 --> 00:57:59,926 -I'll hear back from them in an hour. -Mm. 971 00:58:01,188 --> 00:58:03,146 Give it a rest, David. 972 00:58:03,190 --> 00:58:05,322 Why don't you let me take over for now? 973 00:58:10,675 --> 00:58:12,199 Mm. 974 00:58:12,242 --> 00:58:14,027 YOUNG NIC: Dad? 975 00:58:14,070 --> 00:58:15,855 DAVID: Yeah. 976 00:58:15,898 --> 00:58:19,815 YOUNG NIC: Will you check on me every 15 minutes? 977 00:58:19,859 --> 00:58:22,209 DAVID: Yes. 978 00:58:28,215 --> 00:58:31,479 ♪ Close your eyes 979 00:58:31,522 --> 00:58:34,917 ♪ Have no fear 980 00:58:34,961 --> 00:58:37,093 ♪ The monster's gone 981 00:58:37,137 --> 00:58:39,052 ♪ He's on the run 982 00:58:39,095 --> 00:58:42,707 ♪ And your daddy's here 983 00:58:43,970 --> 00:58:46,059 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful 984 00:58:46,102 --> 00:58:47,451 ♪ Beautiful 985 00:58:47,495 --> 00:58:50,498 ♪ Beautiful boy 986 00:58:53,588 --> 00:58:55,677 ♪ Beautiful, beautiful 987 00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:57,200 ♪ Beautiful 988 00:58:57,244 --> 00:58:59,724 DAVID and JOHN LENNON: ♪ Beautiful boy 989 00:58:59,768 --> 00:59:02,075 Do you want to bring one of your dinosaurs, too? 990 00:59:02,118 --> 00:59:05,121 DAVID and LENNON: ♪ Before you cross the street 991 00:59:05,165 --> 00:59:06,949 How about a book? 992 00:59:06,993 --> 00:59:08,603 ♪ Take my hand 993 00:59:08,646 --> 00:59:11,171 No? Okay. 994 00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,521 ♪ Life is what happens to you 995 00:59:13,564 --> 00:59:15,392 ♪ While you're busy 996 00:59:15,436 --> 00:59:18,656 -♪ Making other plans -You ready? 997 00:59:18,700 --> 00:59:20,397 [whispers]: Hey. Hey. 998 00:59:20,441 --> 00:59:22,660 JOHN LENNON: ♪ Darling, darling... 999 00:59:22,704 --> 00:59:24,793 Can I have a hug? 1000 00:59:24,836 --> 00:59:25,881 No? 1001 00:59:25,925 --> 00:59:27,448 Why not? 1002 00:59:27,491 --> 00:59:29,972 Are you mad at me? 1003 00:59:30,016 --> 00:59:32,148 'Cause you have to go? 1004 00:59:33,149 --> 00:59:34,803 Okay. 1005 00:59:34,846 --> 00:59:38,676 Well... you'll be happy to see Mommy, though, right? 1006 00:59:40,722 --> 00:59:42,680 I want you to know something. 1007 00:59:42,724 --> 00:59:45,118 When you come back, I'm gonna be here... 1008 00:59:45,161 --> 00:59:48,251 right... I'm gonna be right here for you. 1009 00:59:48,295 --> 00:59:50,036 Okay? 1010 00:59:50,079 --> 00:59:53,256 And call me when you miss me, and I'll call you. 1011 00:59:54,518 --> 00:59:56,956 Do you know how much I love you? 1012 01:00:03,919 --> 01:00:08,054 If you could take all the words in the language, 1013 01:00:08,097 --> 01:00:11,231 it still wouldn't describe how much I love you. 1014 01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:14,495 And if you could gather all those words together, 1015 01:00:14,538 --> 01:00:17,280 it still wouldn't describe what I feel for you. 1016 01:00:17,324 --> 01:00:20,283 What I feel for you is everything. 1017 01:00:22,111 --> 01:00:24,984 I love you more than everything. 1018 01:00:26,681 --> 01:00:29,031 Everything? 1019 01:00:29,075 --> 01:00:30,728 Yeah, everything. 1020 01:00:39,346 --> 01:00:42,784 [jet engines whooshing] 1021 01:00:50,096 --> 01:00:52,446 [indistinct chatter] 1022 01:01:02,891 --> 01:01:04,893 Hey. 1023 01:01:04,936 --> 01:01:07,113 That's my mom. 1024 01:01:07,156 --> 01:01:10,116 I'm really glad you came to L.A. 1025 01:01:10,159 --> 01:01:12,031 You know that, right? 1026 01:01:17,906 --> 01:01:20,082 [crying]: You just don't know what it is to be... 1027 01:01:20,126 --> 01:01:22,084 -Please don't do this, Mom. -Okay. 1028 01:01:22,128 --> 01:01:24,304 [whispers]: I'm sorry. Okay. 1029 01:01:28,699 --> 01:01:30,919 [Vicki groans] 1030 01:01:30,962 --> 01:01:33,574 All I could think about was you. 1031 01:01:38,579 --> 01:01:41,930 I know this must sound meaningless, but I'm sorry. 1032 01:01:45,455 --> 01:01:47,675 [softly]: I'm-I'm sorry. 1033 01:01:49,155 --> 01:01:50,808 Oh, Nicky. 1034 01:01:50,852 --> 01:01:52,941 [Vicki sighs] 1035 01:01:52,984 --> 01:01:54,986 [Vicki mutters quietly] 1036 01:01:56,553 --> 01:01:59,078 You are such a darling. 1037 01:01:59,121 --> 01:02:01,080 You know that, right? 1038 01:02:02,168 --> 01:02:04,039 [kiss] 1039 01:02:05,432 --> 01:02:07,564 [sighs]: Whew. 1040 01:02:13,483 --> 01:02:15,181 [exhales] 1041 01:02:15,224 --> 01:02:17,226 ♪ 1042 01:02:21,622 --> 01:02:23,580 Hey, come on, old man! 1043 01:02:23,624 --> 01:02:25,843 -You're being so disrespectful. -I'm not being disrespectful. 1044 01:02:25,887 --> 01:02:28,150 You're being so disrespectful. 1045 01:02:28,194 --> 01:02:30,152 [both grunting] 1046 01:02:30,196 --> 01:02:31,806 -I'm coming for you! -Oh, motherfucker! 1047 01:02:31,849 --> 01:02:34,765 Uh-huh. You about to look at my ass, baby! 1048 01:02:34,809 --> 01:02:37,072 -You about to look at my ass! -[laughing] 1049 01:02:37,116 --> 01:02:40,162 [grunting, indistinct talking] 1050 01:02:40,206 --> 01:02:43,687 ♪ 1051 01:02:45,820 --> 01:02:47,474 [panting]: Fuck. 1052 01:02:57,353 --> 01:02:59,573 [objects in box clatter] 1053 01:02:59,616 --> 01:03:01,140 [chuckles] 1054 01:03:01,183 --> 01:03:02,750 ♪ 1055 01:03:08,364 --> 01:03:10,540 [indistinct chatter] 1056 01:03:10,584 --> 01:03:12,063 That's what I get for helping. 1057 01:03:12,107 --> 01:03:13,891 -[grunting] -Why'd you pull that hard? 1058 01:03:13,935 --> 01:03:16,285 -[laughing]: I'm sorry. -Why do you hate me? 1059 01:03:17,286 --> 01:03:19,288 ♪ 1060 01:03:31,996 --> 01:03:33,998 How does this feel? 1061 01:03:38,264 --> 01:03:41,528 Like I'm a real human being. 1062 01:03:42,790 --> 01:03:46,272 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 1063 01:03:46,315 --> 01:03:49,449 [Spencer coughs, whoops] 1064 01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:53,061 NIC: One day, I tried methamphetamine... 1065 01:03:53,104 --> 01:03:55,542 Yeah. That felt good. 1066 01:03:55,585 --> 01:03:58,066 ...and I thought, 1067 01:03:58,109 --> 01:04:00,503 "This is what's been missing." 1068 01:04:00,547 --> 01:04:03,202 I felt complete. 1069 01:04:03,245 --> 01:04:05,247 SPENCER: Today's a good day. 1070 01:04:05,291 --> 01:04:08,119 NIC: Yeah, I've been chasing that high 1071 01:04:08,163 --> 01:04:10,121 ever since. 1072 01:04:10,165 --> 01:04:12,123 No matter... 1073 01:04:12,167 --> 01:04:14,125 how much meth-- 1074 01:04:14,169 --> 01:04:18,086 or whatever else I can find to shoot up into my body-- 1075 01:04:18,129 --> 01:04:20,567 I do, it's never enough. 1076 01:04:20,610 --> 01:04:22,395 [others murmuring quietly] 1077 01:04:23,874 --> 01:04:27,269 And I went to a couple of rehabs, 1078 01:04:27,313 --> 01:04:28,879 I detoxed, 1079 01:04:28,923 --> 01:04:31,665 they would talk about disease, sure, 1080 01:04:31,708 --> 01:04:33,275 but... 1081 01:04:33,319 --> 01:04:35,016 it never clicked. 1082 01:04:37,888 --> 01:04:42,110 Until one day I woke up in a hospital 1083 01:04:42,153 --> 01:04:45,418 and someone asked me, 1084 01:04:45,461 --> 01:04:47,898 "What's your problem?" 1085 01:04:50,727 --> 01:04:53,948 And I said, "I'm an alcoholic and an addict." 1086 01:04:53,991 --> 01:04:55,776 And he said... 1087 01:04:55,819 --> 01:04:58,996 "No, that's how you've been treating your problem." 1088 01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:00,998 -OTHERS: Mm-hmm. -That's right. 1089 01:05:01,042 --> 01:05:04,437 I know now I need to find a way 1090 01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,744 to fill this... 1091 01:05:07,788 --> 01:05:09,877 big... 1092 01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,183 black hole in me. 1093 01:05:16,405 --> 01:05:18,277 Anyway, so... 1094 01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:21,410 -I'm 14 months clean. -[others murmuring quietly] 1095 01:05:21,454 --> 01:05:23,630 I have a job at a rehab. 1096 01:05:25,153 --> 01:05:27,416 It's fulfilling to help other people get sober. 1097 01:05:27,460 --> 01:05:29,897 [others murmuring] 1098 01:05:29,940 --> 01:05:33,117 I have a sponsor, Spencer. 1099 01:05:33,161 --> 01:05:35,990 Shows me how great my life can be sober. 1100 01:05:37,426 --> 01:05:39,820 And, um, I still have family. 1101 01:05:41,822 --> 01:05:44,607 My mom's been amazing. 1102 01:05:44,651 --> 01:05:47,480 My dad's been amazing, too. 1103 01:05:47,523 --> 01:05:50,787 ["Heart of Gold" by Neil Young playing] 1104 01:05:50,831 --> 01:05:53,312 [sighs, smacks lips] 1105 01:05:53,355 --> 01:05:55,662 I want them to be proud of me. 1106 01:05:58,447 --> 01:06:00,884 ♪ 1107 01:06:16,683 --> 01:06:19,338 ♪ I want to live 1108 01:06:20,382 --> 01:06:22,950 ♪ I want to give 1109 01:06:22,993 --> 01:06:25,082 ♪ I've been a miner 1110 01:06:25,126 --> 01:06:28,695 ♪ For a heart of gold 1111 01:06:28,738 --> 01:06:31,828 ♪ It's these expressions 1112 01:06:31,872 --> 01:06:34,918 ♪ I never give that keep me searching... ♪ 1113 01:06:34,962 --> 01:06:37,617 DAVID: You all right? 1114 01:06:37,660 --> 01:06:39,793 What's wrong? You nervous? 1115 01:06:39,836 --> 01:06:41,098 Yeah. 1116 01:06:41,142 --> 01:06:42,970 ♪ And I'm getting old 1117 01:06:45,712 --> 01:06:47,714 ♪ Keep me searching for a... 1118 01:06:47,757 --> 01:06:50,020 KAREN: Thank you for marrying me. 1119 01:06:51,413 --> 01:06:53,415 Thank you for being a perfect partner 1120 01:06:53,459 --> 01:06:55,461 in an imperfect world. 1121 01:06:57,201 --> 01:06:59,943 Thank you for introducing me to your amazing son. 1122 01:06:59,987 --> 01:07:02,032 ♪ 1123 01:07:02,076 --> 01:07:04,034 KAREN: Uh, I'm here for you, 1124 01:07:04,078 --> 01:07:05,384 and I'm here to stay. 1125 01:07:05,427 --> 01:07:07,473 DAVID: Karen, thank you... 1126 01:07:07,516 --> 01:07:09,518 for loving me. 1127 01:07:10,824 --> 01:07:12,565 And thank you for loving him. 1128 01:07:12,608 --> 01:07:14,262 [applause] 1129 01:07:14,305 --> 01:07:15,959 -♪ Keep me searching -[whistling, cheering] 1130 01:07:16,003 --> 01:07:18,745 ♪ For a heart of gold 1131 01:07:18,788 --> 01:07:20,747 ♪ You keep me searching 1132 01:07:20,790 --> 01:07:22,575 ♪ And I'm growing old 1133 01:07:22,618 --> 01:07:25,099 Looks him square in the eye, and he says, "Superman..." 1134 01:07:25,142 --> 01:07:28,537 ♪ Keep me searching for a heart of gold ♪ 1135 01:07:28,581 --> 01:07:30,104 -[Karen laughs] -DAVID: Perfect. 1136 01:07:30,147 --> 01:07:31,932 ♪ I've been a miner 1137 01:07:31,975 --> 01:07:35,588 -[indistinct chatter] -♪ For a heart of gold 1138 01:07:36,893 --> 01:07:38,591 ♪ Ah 1139 01:07:38,634 --> 01:07:40,114 ♪ Mm. 1140 01:07:42,638 --> 01:07:45,075 [dogs barking] 1141 01:07:50,037 --> 01:07:51,995 -Hey, good to see you. -Good to see you. 1142 01:07:52,039 --> 01:07:54,476 Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy! 1143 01:07:57,784 --> 01:07:59,525 Hey, Jazzy Jeff. 1144 01:07:59,568 --> 01:08:01,570 What's going on, man? 1145 01:08:01,614 --> 01:08:03,180 Hey, man, I miss you more 1146 01:08:03,224 --> 01:08:06,227 than the sun misses the moon at night. 1147 01:08:06,270 --> 01:08:08,229 Mm. [kiss] 1148 01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:11,580 -Hey, Karen. -Hey. 1149 01:08:16,890 --> 01:08:19,022 Thank you for inviting me. 1150 01:08:19,066 --> 01:08:20,676 Seriously. 1151 01:08:26,552 --> 01:08:28,597 [Daisy laughing in distance] 1152 01:08:34,690 --> 01:08:36,170 ♪ Can't steal the way 1153 01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:38,520 ♪ I fuckin' felt when I got up today ♪ 1154 01:08:38,564 --> 01:08:40,304 ♪ Well, I guess you're the judge ♪ 1155 01:08:40,348 --> 01:08:41,915 ♪ I guess you're the king 1156 01:08:41,958 --> 01:08:44,831 ♪ Of the forever beauty pageant I'm always... ♪ 1157 01:08:48,312 --> 01:08:50,706 [indistinct chatter nearby] 1158 01:08:50,750 --> 01:08:52,969 NIC: Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! 1159 01:08:53,013 --> 01:08:54,449 JASPER: Go, Daisy! 1160 01:08:54,493 --> 01:08:56,016 DAVID: Hey, honey. 1161 01:08:56,059 --> 01:08:57,496 [Daisy laughing] 1162 01:08:59,715 --> 01:09:01,587 NIC: Go, Daisy, go! 1163 01:09:01,630 --> 01:09:03,632 [kids laughing] 1164 01:09:05,678 --> 01:09:07,549 [David laughing] 1165 01:09:07,593 --> 01:09:09,812 -[Daisy laughing] -[Jasper grunts] 1166 01:09:11,292 --> 01:09:13,642 -DAVID: Nice. -[playful grunting and yelling] 1167 01:09:14,991 --> 01:09:16,297 [Daisy squealing] 1168 01:09:16,340 --> 01:09:18,995 Oh! Ah, you! 1169 01:09:19,039 --> 01:09:20,867 It's Daisy! 1170 01:09:20,910 --> 01:09:23,522 -[David laughs] -[Nic yelling] 1171 01:09:23,565 --> 01:09:25,132 DAVID: Whoa! 1172 01:09:25,175 --> 01:09:27,787 [laughter] 1173 01:09:27,830 --> 01:09:29,397 [playful shouts] 1174 01:09:29,440 --> 01:09:31,268 [David chuckling] 1175 01:09:33,401 --> 01:09:35,359 DAVID: "If the marker is depleted 1176 01:09:35,403 --> 01:09:37,318 "in meth addicts' brains, 1177 01:09:37,361 --> 01:09:40,060 "it's likely there is a loss of nerve terminals 1178 01:09:40,103 --> 01:09:42,584 "and the brain damage is irreversible. 1179 01:09:42,628 --> 01:09:45,065 "However, when I tested for VMAT2, 1180 01:09:45,108 --> 01:09:48,111 -I found normal levels." -So that's optimistic. 1181 01:09:48,155 --> 01:09:50,636 -Normal levels is optimistic, yeah. -It's... 1182 01:09:50,679 --> 01:09:52,072 -It is. -Okay. 1183 01:09:52,115 --> 01:09:53,639 -No. I'm not... -I was just checking. 1184 01:09:53,682 --> 01:09:55,162 -No, no, that's good. -Okay. 1185 01:09:55,205 --> 01:09:56,467 Basically... 1186 01:09:56,511 --> 01:09:57,817 the fried... 1187 01:09:57,860 --> 01:09:59,862 Nic's fried nerve endings 1188 01:09:59,906 --> 01:10:02,343 can grow back. 1189 01:10:02,386 --> 01:10:04,563 They say it can take two years, but... 1190 01:10:04,606 --> 01:10:06,782 -Two years? -Yeah. 1191 01:10:06,826 --> 01:10:09,350 But that's great, David. 1192 01:10:11,178 --> 01:10:13,049 [car door closes] 1193 01:10:14,921 --> 01:10:17,097 [footsteps approaching] 1194 01:10:18,664 --> 01:10:21,362 -Hey. -Hey. 1195 01:10:21,405 --> 01:10:24,495 -You're kind of late. -Yeah. It was a great meeting, 1196 01:10:24,539 --> 01:10:26,672 and after, we went to the speaker's house 1197 01:10:26,715 --> 01:10:28,630 and watched a video and... 1198 01:10:28,674 --> 01:10:32,634 saw my sober sponsee bros earlier, so... 1199 01:10:32,678 --> 01:10:34,680 No phone? 1200 01:10:34,723 --> 01:10:36,725 Oh, my cell was dead. 1201 01:10:39,598 --> 01:10:42,818 Would you be okay to do a drug test? 1202 01:10:43,863 --> 01:10:46,082 Yeah, I mean, sure. 1203 01:10:46,126 --> 01:10:47,649 Okay. 1204 01:11:05,058 --> 01:11:07,669 You understand why, right? 1205 01:11:07,713 --> 01:11:12,021 Yeah. I mean, I should've called to let you know, so... 1206 01:11:12,065 --> 01:11:15,938 I trust you-- we just need to have some sort of proof. 1207 01:11:19,725 --> 01:11:22,292 That's about as contradictory as it gets. 1208 01:11:22,336 --> 01:11:24,643 -But... -I know. I know. 1209 01:11:26,732 --> 01:11:28,908 I'll do it. No worries. 1210 01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:31,301 Nothing to hide. 1211 01:11:32,346 --> 01:11:33,782 Okay. 1212 01:11:36,089 --> 01:11:38,657 Hey, you're doing great. 1213 01:11:40,136 --> 01:11:41,964 You really are. 1214 01:11:42,008 --> 01:11:45,011 By my count, 485 days clean. 1215 01:11:45,054 --> 01:11:47,143 Wow. Come on, that's... 1216 01:11:51,060 --> 01:11:53,846 I'll just leave it in the bathroom, right? Okay. 1217 01:11:54,890 --> 01:11:56,457 All right. 1218 01:11:56,500 --> 01:11:58,459 -Good night, Dad. -Good night. 1219 01:11:58,502 --> 01:12:00,591 -I love you. -I love you, too. 1220 01:12:24,964 --> 01:12:27,357 [gulls calling] 1221 01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:33,973 -NIC: All right, Jasper, you ready? -Yep. 1222 01:12:34,016 --> 01:12:36,149 Let's go, let's go, let's go. 1223 01:12:36,192 --> 01:12:38,368 Hey. No, no, no, wait. 1224 01:12:38,412 --> 01:12:41,545 -Jasper, I don't want you to go out there. -What? 1225 01:12:41,589 --> 01:12:43,330 Mom, we won't go far, I swear! 1226 01:12:43,373 --> 01:12:45,158 KAREN: The waves are too big. It's too dangerous. 1227 01:12:45,201 --> 01:12:46,376 But I am a great swimmer. 1228 01:12:46,420 --> 01:12:47,682 I've been in waves way bigger than this. 1229 01:12:47,726 --> 01:12:49,597 Yes, I know that, but I don't want you to... 1230 01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:51,120 -Yeah, I'll stay close. -Nic will stay close, 1231 01:12:51,164 --> 01:12:53,775 you see? 1232 01:12:53,819 --> 01:12:55,516 NIC: Karen, I'm gonna stay... 1233 01:12:55,559 --> 01:12:57,431 -I'll stay close. -KAREN: Nic can go in. 1234 01:12:57,474 --> 01:12:58,606 That's fine. You, no. 1235 01:12:58,649 --> 01:13:00,521 And that is final. 1236 01:13:00,564 --> 01:13:02,001 JASPER: We'll see about that. 1237 01:13:02,044 --> 01:13:04,743 -KAREN: Hey! -NIC: Okay. It's fine. 1238 01:13:04,786 --> 01:13:07,049 It's fine. 1239 01:13:15,579 --> 01:13:17,538 Should we just play a game instead? 1240 01:13:17,581 --> 01:13:19,801 -Uh... -Yeah? 1241 01:13:22,238 --> 01:13:24,501 NIC: Are you a hurfboard? 1242 01:13:24,545 --> 01:13:26,895 -[chuckles]: No. -No? 1243 01:13:26,939 --> 01:13:28,897 Are you a hicycle? 1244 01:13:28,941 --> 01:13:30,769 -[chuckles]: No. -No? 1245 01:13:30,812 --> 01:13:33,075 Okay. Uh, are you edible? 1246 01:13:33,119 --> 01:13:34,642 Not really. 1247 01:13:34,685 --> 01:13:36,775 -Not really? -Not really. 1248 01:13:36,818 --> 01:13:38,341 So, sort of. 1249 01:13:38,385 --> 01:13:40,604 So, um... 1250 01:13:40,648 --> 01:13:42,389 are you a house? 1251 01:13:42,432 --> 01:13:45,522 -Yes. How did you know? -[chuckling] 1252 01:13:45,566 --> 01:13:47,263 You know, 1253 01:13:47,307 --> 01:13:49,700 I can read your mind. 1254 01:13:49,744 --> 01:13:52,529 -[spookily]: Ooh... -Ooh... 1255 01:13:52,573 --> 01:13:53,704 [Jasper grunts] 1256 01:13:53,748 --> 01:13:55,532 I know you're a great swimmer. 1257 01:13:55,576 --> 01:13:57,534 I'm gonna be there to cheer for you at your next swim meet. 1258 01:13:57,578 --> 01:13:58,622 How does that sound? 1259 01:13:58,666 --> 01:14:00,189 Yeah? 1260 01:14:00,233 --> 01:14:02,626 Okay. 1261 01:14:02,670 --> 01:14:05,020 Hey, is it weird to see me after all this time? 1262 01:14:05,064 --> 01:14:06,021 Or no? 1263 01:14:06,065 --> 01:14:07,806 I guess it was, at first. 1264 01:14:07,849 --> 01:14:10,896 -Okay. -I thought you might be different. 1265 01:14:10,939 --> 01:14:14,203 But you're just the same old Nic. 1266 01:14:15,552 --> 01:14:17,554 [Nic chuckles] 1267 01:14:18,904 --> 01:14:21,297 ["Wiseblood" by Zola Jesus playing] 1268 01:14:22,298 --> 01:14:26,259 ♪ This'll be 1269 01:14:26,302 --> 01:14:30,263 ♪ My last home 1270 01:14:30,306 --> 01:14:32,700 -♪ But this stream -NIC: All right. Thanks. 1271 01:14:32,743 --> 01:14:36,704 ♪ Will carry me through 1272 01:14:36,747 --> 01:14:39,881 -That was a great weekend. -Mm-hmm. 1273 01:14:39,925 --> 01:14:42,666 -♪ But this stream -Bye, Nic! 1274 01:14:42,710 --> 01:14:47,410 ♪ Isn't home no more 1275 01:14:47,454 --> 01:14:49,630 ♪ And truth can 1276 01:14:49,673 --> 01:14:54,243 ♪ Make immune 1277 01:14:54,287 --> 01:14:57,116 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1278 01:14:57,159 --> 01:14:58,900 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger 1279 01:14:58,944 --> 01:15:03,209 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1280 01:15:03,252 --> 01:15:08,170 ♪ What are you doing? 1281 01:15:08,214 --> 01:15:10,869 [cheering and applause] 1282 01:15:10,912 --> 01:15:13,523 ♪ If it doesn't make you wiser ♪ 1283 01:15:13,567 --> 01:15:16,004 ♪ Doesn't make you stronger 1284 01:15:16,048 --> 01:15:19,790 ♪ Doesn't make you live a little bit ♪ 1285 01:15:19,834 --> 01:15:26,885 ♪ What are you doing? 1286 01:15:26,928 --> 01:15:29,322 [cheering, chatter] 1287 01:15:33,108 --> 01:15:35,937 -Go, Nic! -[cheering] 1288 01:15:35,981 --> 01:15:38,374 [cheering and applause] 1289 01:15:42,813 --> 01:15:44,163 ♪ 1290 01:15:44,206 --> 01:15:47,862 ♪ In these parting days 1291 01:15:47,906 --> 01:15:52,693 ♪ I am losing all my senses 1292 01:15:52,736 --> 01:15:55,696 ♪ In these timeless days 1293 01:15:55,739 --> 01:16:01,920 ♪ I can barely see through. 1294 01:16:03,356 --> 01:16:05,924 Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic! 1295 01:16:05,967 --> 01:16:08,187 Bye, Nic! 1296 01:16:12,974 --> 01:16:15,368 ♪ 1297 01:16:30,687 --> 01:16:32,994 SPENCER [over phone]: One day at a time, man. 1298 01:16:33,038 --> 01:16:34,604 Congratulations. Welcome to the real world. 1299 01:16:34,648 --> 01:16:36,476 NIC: Oh, I don't want to live in the real world. 1300 01:16:36,519 --> 01:16:38,130 I'm so sick of living in it. 1301 01:16:38,173 --> 01:16:39,653 -[exhales] -That's your disease talking to you, man. 1302 01:16:39,696 --> 01:16:41,176 -Oh, I'm trying. -By trying to isolate you. 1303 01:16:41,220 --> 01:16:42,786 Trying to kill you. You know this, man. 1304 01:16:42,830 --> 01:16:44,658 I don't feel like I have a disease, Spencer. 1305 01:16:44,701 --> 01:16:46,486 I feel like... [clicks tongue] 1306 01:16:46,529 --> 01:16:49,576 -Well, you got to. -This isn't like fucking cancer. 1307 01:16:49,619 --> 01:16:52,927 This is my fucking choice. I put myself here. 1308 01:16:52,971 --> 01:16:54,581 Yeah, you did. You did put yourself there. 1309 01:16:54,624 --> 01:16:56,322 Are you gonna let me talk or what? 1310 01:16:56,365 --> 01:16:59,325 Okay? Like, you're a writer, right? So write. 1311 01:16:59,368 --> 01:17:01,675 You're good at it. This is your day. This is a choice. 1312 01:17:01,718 --> 01:17:03,416 -What do you want to do now? -[whispers]: Fucking... 1313 01:17:03,459 --> 01:17:05,157 Once you get high, you lose all your choices. 1314 01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:06,941 -If you get high, you lose everything. -Right. 1315 01:17:06,985 --> 01:17:09,813 All right, so you got to keep choosing the right way. 1316 01:17:12,381 --> 01:17:14,340 -Right. -That's right. 1317 01:17:14,383 --> 01:17:16,168 You choose the right way. 1318 01:17:16,211 --> 01:17:17,691 Right. All right, hey, listen, 1319 01:17:17,734 --> 01:17:19,214 I'm gonna give you a call later, all right? 1320 01:17:19,258 --> 01:17:20,737 Uh, I-I feel like I'm gonna do all right. 1321 01:17:20,781 --> 01:17:22,043 You blowing me off now? 1322 01:17:22,087 --> 01:17:23,697 You gonna call me and waste my time? 1323 01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:25,481 Don't waste my time. I'm here for you, man. 1324 01:17:25,525 --> 01:17:27,048 You know what, look, I'm having some steaks tonight. 1325 01:17:27,092 --> 01:17:28,223 Why don't you come over for dinner. 1326 01:17:28,267 --> 01:17:29,485 -All right, I'll see you then. -You... 1327 01:17:29,529 --> 01:17:30,921 That sounds great. I'll see you then. 1328 01:17:30,965 --> 01:17:32,401 -Yo, Nic, Nic. -Yes, sir. I'll see you then. 1329 01:17:32,445 --> 01:17:34,534 -Nic... -All right, bye-bye. 1330 01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:53,292 [sighs] 1331 01:17:53,335 --> 01:17:55,729 [crying] 1332 01:18:16,271 --> 01:18:18,665 [muffled music playing] 1333 01:18:18,708 --> 01:18:21,102 [indistinct chatter] 1334 01:18:31,547 --> 01:18:33,593 WOMAN: Nic Sheff. 1335 01:18:33,636 --> 01:18:35,595 Lauren. What? 1336 01:18:35,638 --> 01:18:37,858 What are you... [chuckles] 1337 01:18:37,901 --> 01:18:39,686 [chuckles] 1338 01:18:39,729 --> 01:18:41,427 Wow, it's been a long time. 1339 01:18:41,470 --> 01:18:42,950 What-what are you doing here? 1340 01:18:42,993 --> 01:18:45,518 [chuckles] Just, uh... 1341 01:18:45,561 --> 01:18:47,346 [chuckles] 1342 01:18:47,389 --> 01:18:49,696 What? 1343 01:18:52,873 --> 01:18:54,440 I've been sober for a while, 1344 01:18:54,483 --> 01:18:57,530 but I'm seriously looking to party right now. 1345 01:18:57,573 --> 01:19:00,794 [both chuckle] 1346 01:19:05,233 --> 01:19:07,409 -[indistinct chatter] -[man shouts] 1347 01:19:07,453 --> 01:19:09,803 [siren wailing in distance] 1348 01:19:19,029 --> 01:19:20,814 [laughter] 1349 01:19:20,857 --> 01:19:23,556 I got what you need. We have E, we have pills, man. 1350 01:19:23,599 --> 01:19:25,645 We have E. I told you, I told you. 1351 01:19:25,688 --> 01:19:27,647 [light switch clicks] 1352 01:19:27,690 --> 01:19:29,910 [door shuts] 1353 01:19:33,609 --> 01:19:36,395 NIC: Can you get me a cup of water and a spoon? 1354 01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:37,831 Mm-hmm. 1355 01:19:37,874 --> 01:19:40,225 All right. 1356 01:19:46,056 --> 01:19:48,058 ♪ 1357 01:19:53,629 --> 01:19:56,328 [footsteps approaching] 1358 01:19:56,371 --> 01:19:58,765 -Mm-hmm. -All right. 1359 01:19:58,808 --> 01:20:01,420 -Here you go. -Thank you. 1360 01:20:02,421 --> 01:20:04,640 Cotton and a spoon. 1361 01:20:16,739 --> 01:20:19,699 [chuckling softly] 1362 01:20:23,659 --> 01:20:25,052 [clears throat] 1363 01:20:25,095 --> 01:20:27,359 [coughs] 1364 01:20:27,402 --> 01:20:30,231 Mmm. 1365 01:20:30,275 --> 01:20:32,668 [laughing] 1366 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:43,157 -NIC: All right, that's it. -[exhales] 1367 01:20:43,201 --> 01:20:45,159 That's it. 1368 01:20:45,203 --> 01:20:47,814 [groans] 1369 01:20:47,857 --> 01:20:49,468 [coughs, gasps] 1370 01:20:49,511 --> 01:20:51,644 [exhales] 1371 01:20:51,687 --> 01:20:53,080 [chuckles] 1372 01:20:53,123 --> 01:20:54,821 [inhales deeply] 1373 01:20:54,864 --> 01:20:56,823 [exhales] Wow. 1374 01:20:56,866 --> 01:20:58,825 [sniffs] 1375 01:20:58,868 --> 01:21:01,871 [sighs] 1376 01:21:21,761 --> 01:21:24,198 [panting] 1377 01:21:39,561 --> 01:21:41,955 [panting] 1378 01:21:49,528 --> 01:21:51,921 [panting] 1379 01:21:55,360 --> 01:21:57,362 [grunts] 1380 01:21:59,755 --> 01:22:02,192 [panting] 1381 01:22:14,596 --> 01:22:17,817 [panting] 1382 01:22:17,860 --> 01:22:19,645 -[panting] -[groans] 1383 01:22:19,688 --> 01:22:22,082 [panting] 1384 01:22:27,217 --> 01:22:30,786 -[panting] -[groans, panting] 1385 01:22:30,830 --> 01:22:33,267 [panting] 1386 01:22:35,835 --> 01:22:38,272 [moaning, panting deeply] 1387 01:22:46,802 --> 01:22:48,761 [birds chirping] 1388 01:22:48,804 --> 01:22:51,241 [children laughing and shouting in distance] 1389 01:23:09,825 --> 01:23:12,306 [inhales] 1390 01:23:16,092 --> 01:23:18,225 FEMALE VOICE: Your call has been forwarded 1391 01:23:18,268 --> 01:23:20,227 to an automated voice messaging system. 1392 01:23:20,270 --> 01:23:22,098 At the tone, please record your message. 1393 01:23:22,142 --> 01:23:23,404 [beep] 1394 01:23:23,448 --> 01:23:25,058 DAVID: It's Dad again. 1395 01:23:25,101 --> 01:23:27,103 I feel like you might have been a little down 1396 01:23:27,147 --> 01:23:30,019 when you left, Nic, so I'm here to talk if you need to. 1397 01:23:30,063 --> 01:23:32,718 -[sniffles] -All right. 1398 01:23:36,461 --> 01:23:38,854 [sighs] 1399 01:23:44,860 --> 01:23:47,341 So you have no idea where he is? 1400 01:23:47,385 --> 01:23:49,909 VICKI: Uh, Spencer told me he heard from him. 1401 01:23:49,952 --> 01:23:52,912 He was having a difficult time, but he was pulling through. 1402 01:23:52,955 --> 01:23:56,655 But, yeah, he's not at work, he's not at home. 1403 01:23:56,698 --> 01:23:59,048 -He's unreachable on his cell. -Damn it. Damn it. Vicki, 1404 01:23:59,092 --> 01:24:02,051 he left here two days ago. Why didn't you check on him? 1405 01:24:02,095 --> 01:24:04,445 You're supposed to be taking care of this kid, right? 1406 01:24:04,489 --> 01:24:06,055 What the fuck, David? 1407 01:24:06,099 --> 01:24:08,362 Who's been taking care of him the last year? 1408 01:24:08,406 --> 01:24:09,972 Well, you could've checked on him. 1409 01:24:10,016 --> 01:24:11,713 I mean, what the fuck is your problem? 1410 01:24:11,757 --> 01:24:14,281 What do you think I do all day? 1411 01:24:14,324 --> 01:24:17,676 Besides, we can't run surveillance on him 24/7. 1412 01:24:17,719 --> 01:24:20,679 I think you need to go to the police right now 1413 01:24:20,722 --> 01:24:22,681 and file a missing persons report, okay? 1414 01:24:22,724 --> 01:24:24,639 -Stop yelling at me! -No, I'm not gonna stop 1415 01:24:24,683 --> 01:24:26,946 -yelling at you, Vicki. -I hate it when you do that. 1416 01:24:26,989 --> 01:24:28,382 -Because you're just... -You're totally crazy. 1417 01:24:28,426 --> 01:24:29,818 What are you even doing there?! 1418 01:24:29,862 --> 01:24:31,690 -Fucking unfair, David! -No, no! Listen to me! 1419 01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:33,735 -What are... -[beeping] 1420 01:24:34,736 --> 01:24:37,043 [exhales] Damn. 1421 01:24:37,086 --> 01:24:39,567 Fuck! 1422 01:24:46,139 --> 01:24:47,836 Dave? 1423 01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:50,622 Could you call my phone, please? 1424 01:24:53,625 --> 01:24:55,496 What's going on? 1425 01:24:55,540 --> 01:24:57,411 He's gone. 1426 01:24:58,760 --> 01:25:01,807 How do we even know he's in L.A.? 1427 01:25:01,850 --> 01:25:04,462 I mean, he could be in San Francisco. He could be... 1428 01:25:04,505 --> 01:25:06,899 he could be in fucking Mexico, for all we know. 1429 01:25:06,942 --> 01:25:08,509 I need to go. 1430 01:25:08,553 --> 01:25:11,251 Yeah, but I need you to stay. 1431 01:25:11,294 --> 01:25:13,079 Well, Vicki can't handle it like I... 1432 01:25:13,122 --> 01:25:15,429 I don't care about Vicki. This isn't about Vicki. 1433 01:25:15,473 --> 01:25:19,085 Okay, why don't you just relax and try to be reasonable. 1434 01:25:19,128 --> 01:25:21,348 -What? You be reasonable. -I am being reasonable. 1435 01:25:21,391 --> 01:25:22,392 Is this reasonable?! 1436 01:25:22,436 --> 01:25:25,004 No! It's not! 1437 01:25:25,047 --> 01:25:26,440 How can I be?! 1438 01:25:26,484 --> 01:25:28,007 My son is out there somewhere, 1439 01:25:28,050 --> 01:25:29,661 and I don't know what he's doing! 1440 01:25:29,704 --> 01:25:31,271 I don't know how to help him! 1441 01:25:31,314 --> 01:25:33,752 You can't! 1442 01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:45,981 DAISY: I can't sleep. 1443 01:25:46,025 --> 01:25:48,462 [sniffles] 1444 01:25:50,029 --> 01:25:50,986 You can't sleep? 1445 01:25:51,030 --> 01:25:52,553 I can't sleep. 1446 01:25:52,597 --> 01:25:53,815 Okay. 1447 01:25:53,859 --> 01:25:55,643 [Daisy whimpers] 1448 01:25:57,993 --> 01:25:59,995 Good night, Daddy. 1449 01:26:00,996 --> 01:26:02,563 Good night. 1450 01:26:02,607 --> 01:26:04,434 ♪ Sunrise 1451 01:26:04,478 --> 01:26:07,002 ♪ Sunset 1452 01:26:07,046 --> 01:26:09,483 ♪ 1453 01:26:27,457 --> 01:26:30,156 ♪ Is this the little girl 1454 01:26:30,199 --> 01:26:33,028 ♪ I carried? 1455 01:26:34,943 --> 01:26:37,946 ♪ Is this the little boy 1456 01:26:37,990 --> 01:26:39,948 ♪ At play? 1457 01:26:39,992 --> 01:26:41,689 Let go! 1458 01:26:41,733 --> 01:26:43,386 Airplane flying! 1459 01:26:43,430 --> 01:26:44,997 -♪ I don't remember -[whooping] 1460 01:26:45,040 --> 01:26:48,435 -♪ Growing older -Airplane! 1461 01:26:48,478 --> 01:26:50,437 Fly away! Fly! 1462 01:26:50,480 --> 01:26:52,178 [whoops] 1463 01:26:52,221 --> 01:26:55,921 -♪ When did they? -Airplane! Push! 1464 01:26:59,054 --> 01:27:02,101 ♪ When did she get to be 1465 01:27:02,144 --> 01:27:04,494 ♪ A beauty? 1466 01:27:04,538 --> 01:27:06,801 [typing] 1467 01:27:06,845 --> 01:27:09,543 ♪ When did he grow to be 1468 01:27:09,587 --> 01:27:12,328 ♪ So tall? 1469 01:27:12,372 --> 01:27:14,983 ♪ Ooh... 1470 01:27:15,027 --> 01:27:17,290 ♪ Wasn't it yesterday 1471 01:27:17,333 --> 01:27:19,945 ♪ That they 1472 01:27:19,988 --> 01:27:24,819 ♪ Were small? 1473 01:27:24,863 --> 01:27:27,256 ♪ 1474 01:27:29,694 --> 01:27:32,044 ♪ Sunrise 1475 01:27:32,087 --> 01:27:34,437 ♪ Sunset 1476 01:27:34,481 --> 01:27:36,439 ♪ Sunrise 1477 01:27:36,483 --> 01:27:38,050 ♪ Sunset 1478 01:27:38,093 --> 01:27:40,705 -♪ Swiftly -[indistinct chatter] 1479 01:27:40,748 --> 01:27:46,493 ♪ Fly the years 1480 01:27:46,536 --> 01:27:48,495 ♪ One season 1481 01:27:48,538 --> 01:27:54,675 ♪ Following another 1482 01:27:54,719 --> 01:27:57,983 ♪ Laden with happiness... 1483 01:27:58,026 --> 01:27:59,811 -KAREN: No. Uh-uh. Come on, not you. Come on. -DAVID: Hold on. 1484 01:27:59,854 --> 01:28:01,595 -Get back in. Guys, come on. -Hold on. Hold on, honey. 1485 01:28:01,639 --> 01:28:03,379 -Wait. -Good dog. 1486 01:28:03,423 --> 01:28:05,251 -♪ One season... -KAREN: What's up? 1487 01:28:05,294 --> 01:28:08,558 I thought Nic was gonna be here today. 1488 01:28:08,602 --> 01:28:10,865 Uh, no. Something came up. 1489 01:28:11,866 --> 01:28:13,999 Can I call him? 1490 01:28:14,042 --> 01:28:16,001 No, no. You can't. 1491 01:28:16,044 --> 01:28:17,611 It's not gonna be possible. 1492 01:28:17,655 --> 01:28:18,699 Why not? 1493 01:28:18,743 --> 01:28:20,701 Because it's not. 1494 01:28:20,745 --> 01:28:23,530 Is Nic back on drugs again? 1495 01:28:23,573 --> 01:28:25,663 ♪ Sunrise 1496 01:28:25,706 --> 01:28:27,621 ♪ Sunset 1497 01:28:27,665 --> 01:28:30,363 -♪ Sunrise -We don't know, honey. 1498 01:28:30,406 --> 01:28:32,931 ♪ Sunset. 1499 01:28:43,419 --> 01:28:45,813 [chiming quietly] 1500 01:28:46,901 --> 01:28:50,252 [phone ringing] 1501 01:28:58,521 --> 01:29:00,915 [phone ringing in distance] 1502 01:29:04,223 --> 01:29:06,660 [phone ringing] 1503 01:29:08,270 --> 01:29:10,708 [wind chimes tinkling] 1504 01:29:27,202 --> 01:29:29,639 [rattling] 1505 01:29:41,651 --> 01:29:43,392 [mutters] 1506 01:29:59,757 --> 01:30:01,410 [clattering] 1507 01:30:02,542 --> 01:30:04,283 [rattling] 1508 01:30:06,981 --> 01:30:08,896 All right. 1509 01:30:40,275 --> 01:30:42,060 [inhales deeply] 1510 01:30:42,103 --> 01:30:44,497 [exhales] 1511 01:30:56,378 --> 01:30:58,816 [birds chirping] 1512 01:31:24,406 --> 01:31:26,756 [clicks tongue] 1513 01:31:40,553 --> 01:31:42,511 [applause and cheering] 1514 01:31:42,555 --> 01:31:44,339 [whooping, indistinct shouting] 1515 01:31:44,383 --> 01:31:46,211 [buzzer sounds] 1516 01:31:47,255 --> 01:31:48,691 [whoops] 1517 01:31:48,735 --> 01:31:50,084 [applause and cheering] 1518 01:31:50,128 --> 01:31:52,521 Come on, Jasper! Whup. 1519 01:31:57,352 --> 01:31:59,572 [whistling, whooping, shouting, cheering continue] 1520 01:32:03,968 --> 01:32:05,970 Yup. 1521 01:32:09,756 --> 01:32:11,889 [cheering] 1522 01:32:14,543 --> 01:32:16,894 [applause, cheering, whistling continue in distance] 1523 01:32:24,379 --> 01:32:27,426 [vehicle approaching] 1524 01:32:27,469 --> 01:32:29,428 [quiet beeping] 1525 01:32:29,471 --> 01:32:30,559 DAVID: You got it? 1526 01:32:30,603 --> 01:32:32,692 Oh, fuck. Okay. Hey, Lauren. 1527 01:32:33,911 --> 01:32:35,651 -Lauren, let's go. -What? 1528 01:32:35,695 --> 01:32:37,262 We got to go. 1529 01:32:37,305 --> 01:32:38,916 [dog barking] 1530 01:32:38,959 --> 01:32:40,874 -What's going on? -Here. 1531 01:32:40,918 --> 01:32:43,572 We got to go. 1532 01:32:43,616 --> 01:32:45,618 Fine. 1533 01:32:59,023 --> 01:33:01,634 JASPER: I think I just saw Nic. 1534 01:33:01,677 --> 01:33:03,418 KAREN: What? 1535 01:33:03,462 --> 01:33:06,595 I think I just saw Nic and a girl running away. 1536 01:33:06,639 --> 01:33:08,641 [panting] 1537 01:33:13,341 --> 01:33:14,908 DAISY: Nic. 1538 01:33:14,952 --> 01:33:16,388 KAREN: Uh, no. Stay inside. 1539 01:33:16,431 --> 01:33:18,216 -Okay. -No. 1540 01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:22,089 All right, no. Stay inside! I am not kidding, all right? 1541 01:33:22,133 --> 01:33:23,961 Stay there. 1542 01:33:24,004 --> 01:33:25,571 [door opens] 1543 01:33:25,614 --> 01:33:27,007 [Lauren grunts softly] 1544 01:33:27,051 --> 01:33:29,009 -Okay. -[car door closes] 1545 01:33:29,053 --> 01:33:31,664 -[whispering]: Shit. -Never again. 1546 01:33:31,707 --> 01:33:33,971 -It's okay. Hey. -What do we do? What do we do? 1547 01:33:34,014 --> 01:33:35,407 It's all right. 1548 01:33:35,450 --> 01:33:37,452 [birds singing] 1549 01:33:40,368 --> 01:33:42,544 That was so terrible. 1550 01:33:42,588 --> 01:33:45,765 Oh, fuck! 1551 01:33:45,808 --> 01:33:48,637 [engine starts] 1552 01:33:48,681 --> 01:33:50,161 [engine revving] 1553 01:33:50,204 --> 01:33:52,598 Nic? Nic? Nic! 1554 01:33:54,295 --> 01:33:55,688 Oh... 1555 01:33:57,124 --> 01:34:00,040 ♪ All the ladies of court 1556 01:34:00,084 --> 01:34:01,911 ♪ Gather round 1557 01:34:03,217 --> 01:34:05,654 ♪ Joining in heavenly fare 1558 01:34:05,698 --> 01:34:07,787 [engine revving] 1559 01:34:07,830 --> 01:34:09,789 Oh. No. No. No. 1560 01:34:09,832 --> 01:34:12,313 -[sighs] -♪ Gathering promises 1561 01:34:12,357 --> 01:34:14,402 ♪ Of future heroes 1562 01:34:14,446 --> 01:34:16,883 ♪ Showing faith 1563 01:34:16,926 --> 01:34:19,581 ♪ It is all as you go 1564 01:34:22,280 --> 01:34:27,546 ♪ Red light and green light and men in their armor ♪ 1565 01:34:27,589 --> 01:34:32,725 ♪ And fight for the queen if you dare ♪ 1566 01:34:34,248 --> 01:34:37,730 ♪ It's a long way to go 1567 01:34:37,773 --> 01:34:40,950 ♪ To test out your mettle 1568 01:34:40,994 --> 01:34:44,084 ♪ Well, a long way to go 1569 01:34:44,128 --> 01:34:48,219 ♪ To go down 1570 01:34:52,440 --> 01:34:54,790 ♪ And I'll write them a letter ♪ 1571 01:34:56,792 --> 01:35:00,318 ♪ I said forgive all we've done ♪ 1572 01:35:02,015 --> 01:35:07,107 ♪ Please first grant this favor, sir ♪ 1573 01:35:07,151 --> 01:35:09,718 ♪ Forgive us quick or we'll run ♪ 1574 01:35:13,722 --> 01:35:15,724 ♪ Or we'll run 1575 01:35:18,771 --> 01:35:20,468 ♪ Or we'll run 1576 01:35:20,512 --> 01:35:23,341 [sighs] 1577 01:35:23,384 --> 01:35:25,865 ♪ Or we'll run 1578 01:35:25,908 --> 01:35:28,694 Come on! 1579 01:35:28,737 --> 01:35:31,305 ♪ Or... 1580 01:35:31,349 --> 01:35:36,658 ♪ We'll run... 1581 01:35:52,021 --> 01:35:54,198 [crying] 1582 01:35:56,156 --> 01:35:59,377 -[crying] -I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 1583 01:36:03,294 --> 01:36:05,296 [birds singing] 1584 01:36:06,427 --> 01:36:08,125 [crying] 1585 01:36:08,168 --> 01:36:10,127 [distant horns honk] 1586 01:36:14,261 --> 01:36:16,698 [panting] 1587 01:36:19,571 --> 01:36:22,356 [Nic clears throat] 1588 01:36:23,444 --> 01:36:25,185 Okay. Okay. 1589 01:36:25,229 --> 01:36:27,405 [line ringing] 1590 01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:29,189 WOMAN [over phone]: 911. What is your emergency? 1591 01:36:29,233 --> 01:36:31,191 Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f... I'm-I'm with a friend. 1592 01:36:31,235 --> 01:36:32,540 She just O.D.'d, and, uh, 1593 01:36:32,584 --> 01:36:34,194 I need an ambulance, I need some help. 1594 01:36:34,238 --> 01:36:35,587 Sir, do you know CPR? 1595 01:36:35,630 --> 01:36:37,154 Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I just... 1596 01:36:37,197 --> 01:36:39,286 Uh, we... You-you guys, you got to send an ambulance, 1597 01:36:39,330 --> 01:36:41,506 -too, all right? -What is your location? 1598 01:36:41,549 --> 01:36:43,551 Yeah, I don't know. 1599 01:36:43,595 --> 01:36:45,205 Y-You-you guys are gonna have to trace the call. 1600 01:36:45,249 --> 01:36:46,989 WOMAN: Hello? 1601 01:36:47,033 --> 01:36:50,428 Hello? Sir, are you still there? 1602 01:36:50,471 --> 01:36:52,778 -[Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks] -Sir? 1603 01:36:52,821 --> 01:36:55,650 -[Lauren coughs] -[operator speaks indistinctly] 1604 01:36:55,694 --> 01:36:57,217 WOMAN: Sir? Sir? 1605 01:36:57,261 --> 01:37:01,134 [coughing, gasping] 1606 01:37:01,178 --> 01:37:03,658 -[Lauren gasping, coughing] -[operator speaks indistinctly] 1607 01:37:06,139 --> 01:37:09,098 -[Lauren sighs] -Look up. -[garbled radio transmission] 1608 01:37:09,142 --> 01:37:10,839 Honey, look up for me. 1609 01:37:12,319 --> 01:37:15,714 Can you look up this way over here? 1610 01:37:15,757 --> 01:37:17,846 Hey, look, we're gonna need to take you to the ER. 1611 01:37:17,890 --> 01:37:19,283 I-I don't... I don't want to. I-I... 1612 01:37:19,326 --> 01:37:20,893 -We need to take you to the ER. -I'm fine. 1613 01:37:20,936 --> 01:37:22,242 She doesn't want to go to the ER. She's... 1614 01:37:22,286 --> 01:37:23,896 She's... No, she's not okay. We need to take her 1615 01:37:23,939 --> 01:37:25,289 -to the ER. -But she doesn't want to go. 1616 01:37:25,332 --> 01:37:27,029 No, sir, she needs to go! 1617 01:37:27,073 --> 01:37:28,727 -[Lauren whimpers] -Okay? 1618 01:37:28,770 --> 01:37:31,251 You have a problem with that, I can inform the police. 1619 01:37:31,295 --> 01:37:33,035 -Goddamn it. -[Lauren whimpers] 1620 01:37:33,079 --> 01:37:36,517 You're gonna come and meet me, right? 1621 01:37:36,561 --> 01:37:37,997 -Yes. Yes! -You promise? 1622 01:37:38,040 --> 01:37:40,434 [crying]: I love you. 1623 01:37:40,478 --> 01:37:42,915 -I love you, too. -[garbled radio transmission] 1624 01:37:42,958 --> 01:37:44,612 -You promise you're gonna meet me? -Yes, Lauren. 1625 01:37:44,656 --> 01:37:46,701 I'll come fucking meet you. What do you want from me? 1626 01:37:46,745 --> 01:37:50,009 -Okay, okay. -Jesus fucking Christ. 1627 01:37:55,536 --> 01:37:58,409 [breathing loudly] 1628 01:38:03,457 --> 01:38:04,893 [breathing loudly] 1629 01:38:04,937 --> 01:38:07,113 [dialing phone] 1630 01:38:09,855 --> 01:38:13,424 [line ringing] 1631 01:38:16,340 --> 01:38:18,733 DAVID [over phone]: David Sheff. 1632 01:38:18,777 --> 01:38:20,518 Hey, Dad. It's me. 1633 01:38:20,561 --> 01:38:23,172 [panting] 1634 01:38:23,216 --> 01:38:25,697 -Nic? -Yeah. 1635 01:38:25,740 --> 01:38:28,134 [panting] 1636 01:38:34,967 --> 01:38:37,012 Please don't hate me, Dad. 1637 01:38:38,536 --> 01:38:40,538 I know I did wrong. 1638 01:38:42,279 --> 01:38:44,324 I want to stop, but please, please, please, 1639 01:38:44,368 --> 01:38:46,195 please, please, please no rehab, all right? 1640 01:38:46,239 --> 01:38:49,068 Just let me come home. You know what? 1641 01:38:49,111 --> 01:38:52,898 I realize it's actually I... I-I need to be home. 1642 01:38:52,941 --> 01:38:57,685 You guys, you guys are gonna give me the strength to stop. 1643 01:38:57,729 --> 01:38:59,731 All right? 1644 01:38:59,774 --> 01:39:02,560 [panting] 1645 01:39:02,603 --> 01:39:04,605 That's not going to happen. 1646 01:39:13,875 --> 01:39:16,965 I wish that I could help you, 1647 01:39:17,009 --> 01:39:18,967 but I can't do that. 1648 01:39:19,011 --> 01:39:20,752 I c... I can't. 1649 01:39:20,795 --> 01:39:22,884 Oh, please help me, Dad. 1650 01:39:24,364 --> 01:39:26,584 No, Dad. I just need a little bit of help. 1651 01:39:28,629 --> 01:39:30,718 Please help me. I want to come home. 1652 01:39:30,762 --> 01:39:33,460 All I can tell you is what you already know. 1653 01:39:33,504 --> 01:39:35,941 Dad, why aren't you fucking listening to me? 1654 01:39:35,984 --> 01:39:38,117 -Call your sponsor. -[crying]: I don't want to talk 1655 01:39:38,160 --> 01:39:40,032 to my sponsor now. I want to talk to you. 1656 01:39:40,075 --> 01:39:41,990 Get help. 1657 01:39:42,034 --> 01:39:43,949 -I love you. -Dad, what... 1658 01:39:43,992 --> 01:39:46,386 And I hope that you get your life together. 1659 01:39:46,430 --> 01:39:47,996 I love you, too. 1660 01:39:48,040 --> 01:39:50,521 I love you. 1661 01:39:50,564 --> 01:39:52,523 [phone beeps off] 1662 01:39:52,566 --> 01:39:54,568 [insects chirping] 1663 01:40:04,361 --> 01:40:07,276 [sighs] 1664 01:40:07,320 --> 01:40:09,583 [jagged breathing] 1665 01:40:09,627 --> 01:40:12,325 [crying] 1666 01:40:24,250 --> 01:40:28,080 [waves lapping] 1667 01:40:36,393 --> 01:40:38,395 [waves lapping] 1668 01:40:50,494 --> 01:40:52,539 [crickets chirping] 1669 01:41:10,862 --> 01:41:12,864 ♪ 1670 01:41:19,871 --> 01:41:22,308 [sighs] 1671 01:41:31,360 --> 01:41:33,362 [insects chirping] 1672 01:41:53,426 --> 01:41:55,820 [seagull squawking] 1673 01:42:12,576 --> 01:42:15,274 -[sniffles] -[line ringing] 1674 01:42:18,582 --> 01:42:21,410 -DAVID: Hello. -Nicolas called. 1675 01:42:21,454 --> 01:42:22,847 He sounds desperate. 1676 01:42:24,152 --> 01:42:26,067 Gonna die if we don't do anything. 1677 01:42:26,111 --> 01:42:28,113 Well... 1678 01:42:28,156 --> 01:42:31,072 he's gonna die even if we do. 1679 01:42:31,116 --> 01:42:33,771 Nothing we do has any effect on him. 1680 01:42:33,814 --> 01:42:37,078 [Henryk Górecki's Symphony No. 3 plays, singing in Polish] 1681 01:42:39,733 --> 01:42:41,300 I failed. 1682 01:42:41,343 --> 01:42:42,954 VICKI: I know you feel ashamed, okay? 1683 01:42:42,997 --> 01:42:45,609 So do I. 1684 01:42:45,652 --> 01:42:47,959 But you have done great, David. 1685 01:42:48,002 --> 01:42:50,918 And Karen, too, so thank you for that. 1686 01:42:50,962 --> 01:42:52,833 You were up for it when I wasn't, 1687 01:42:52,877 --> 01:42:54,748 and I'm not giving up now. 1688 01:42:55,793 --> 01:42:57,621 Never. 1689 01:42:59,318 --> 01:43:02,060 But I can't do it alone. 1690 01:43:05,019 --> 01:43:07,805 I need your help. 1691 01:43:07,848 --> 01:43:10,024 [Vicki cries] 1692 01:43:10,068 --> 01:43:13,071 I don't think you can save people, Vicki. 1693 01:43:13,114 --> 01:43:14,942 [sighs] 1694 01:43:14,986 --> 01:43:18,380 [crying]: You can be there for them, can't you? 1695 01:43:22,210 --> 01:43:24,386 JASPER: Look at this. 1696 01:43:29,522 --> 01:43:31,437 DAVID: I'm done. 1697 01:43:31,480 --> 01:43:33,657 -Oh. -Okay? I... 1698 01:43:33,700 --> 01:43:36,703 [sniffles] Okay. 1699 01:43:49,890 --> 01:43:52,327 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1700 01:44:10,345 --> 01:44:12,347 MAN: Hey, everybody. 1701 01:44:12,391 --> 01:44:15,089 Time to get together. 1702 01:44:15,133 --> 01:44:17,526 [crowd chatter] 1703 01:44:27,580 --> 01:44:31,715 WOMAN: I... I had a rough week. 1704 01:44:34,152 --> 01:44:35,893 Some of you know, some of you don't. 1705 01:44:35,936 --> 01:44:37,590 I, um... 1706 01:44:37,634 --> 01:44:39,679 I lost my Frances this week. 1707 01:44:39,723 --> 01:44:42,856 She died of an overdose on Sunday. 1708 01:44:42,900 --> 01:44:44,989 So... 1709 01:44:45,032 --> 01:44:48,993 I guess I'm in mourning, but I-I... 1710 01:44:49,036 --> 01:44:51,430 I realized something else. 1711 01:44:51,473 --> 01:44:55,521 I've actually been in mourning for years. 1712 01:44:57,610 --> 01:44:59,830 'Cause even when she was alive, she... 1713 01:44:59,873 --> 01:45:02,397 she wasn't there. 1714 01:45:02,441 --> 01:45:06,706 When you mourn the living, 1715 01:45:06,750 --> 01:45:09,622 that's a hard way to live. 1716 01:45:11,624 --> 01:45:14,105 And so, in... 1717 01:45:14,148 --> 01:45:16,368 in a way, it's-it's... 1718 01:45:16,411 --> 01:45:18,500 it's better, I guess. 1719 01:45:22,679 --> 01:45:28,249 [crying]: She was a dear, dear young woman. 1720 01:45:30,208 --> 01:45:32,384 I always felt... 1721 01:45:32,427 --> 01:45:34,995 I needed to... to stay strong, 1722 01:45:35,039 --> 01:45:38,433 that there'd be some future event, 1723 01:45:38,477 --> 01:45:41,088 and I'd... I'd need all my strength for it. 1724 01:45:44,701 --> 01:45:47,181 But there are no events after this one. 1725 01:45:47,225 --> 01:45:50,750 [crying]: I hope she's not in pain now. 1726 01:45:52,839 --> 01:45:55,015 [woman whimpers] 1727 01:45:57,452 --> 01:45:59,454 Bye, Frances. 1728 01:46:03,371 --> 01:46:05,722 [Karen sniffles] 1729 01:46:30,268 --> 01:46:32,270 ♪ 1730 01:46:44,021 --> 01:46:46,023 [grunts] 1731 01:47:00,167 --> 01:47:02,561 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1732 01:47:21,623 --> 01:47:23,930 ♪ 1733 01:47:43,776 --> 01:47:46,561 ♪ 1734 01:47:56,571 --> 01:47:58,835 DAVID: Hey. 1735 01:47:58,878 --> 01:48:01,054 Hi. 1736 01:48:01,098 --> 01:48:03,187 [Vicki sighs] 1737 01:48:10,324 --> 01:48:11,891 How's he doing? 1738 01:48:11,935 --> 01:48:14,154 The doctor's with him now. 1739 01:48:15,764 --> 01:48:17,549 He said it's close to a miracle 1740 01:48:17,592 --> 01:48:20,552 Nic survived with all the drugs in his body. 1741 01:48:21,596 --> 01:48:23,424 [Vicki chuckles] 1742 01:48:30,475 --> 01:48:31,911 [David grunts softly] 1743 01:48:51,626 --> 01:48:53,846 [Symphony No. 3 continues, with singing in Polish] 1744 01:49:13,648 --> 01:49:15,955 ♪ 1745 01:49:35,670 --> 01:49:38,064 ♪ 1746 01:49:49,684 --> 01:49:52,078 [Nic cries] 1747 01:49:57,779 --> 01:50:00,130 [Nic sniffles] 1748 01:50:00,173 --> 01:50:03,220 [Nic cries] 1749 01:50:17,712 --> 01:50:19,714 [sobbing] 1750 01:50:24,458 --> 01:50:26,678 [Nic sniffles] 1751 01:51:03,497 --> 01:51:05,499 ♪ 1752 01:51:10,896 --> 01:51:12,898 ♪ Ah 1753 01:51:28,740 --> 01:51:32,004 ♪ I was somewhere 2000 in a daydream ♪ 1754 01:51:33,701 --> 01:51:37,923 ♪ I was hiding, I couldn't face it ♪ 1755 01:51:37,966 --> 01:51:41,666 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind... ♪ 1756 01:51:41,709 --> 01:51:45,670 ♪ I felt out of sync, audio phasing ♪ 1757 01:51:45,713 --> 01:51:49,674 ♪ Felt like I couldn't find my place in ♪ 1758 01:51:54,766 --> 01:51:57,986 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1759 01:51:58,030 --> 01:51:59,945 ♪ I turn again 1760 01:51:59,988 --> 01:52:03,079 ♪ I wish we could heal 1761 01:52:07,605 --> 01:52:10,999 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1762 01:52:11,043 --> 01:52:15,917 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1763 01:52:20,400 --> 01:52:22,968 ♪ Because you're 1764 01:52:23,011 --> 01:52:24,970 ♪ Oh 1765 01:52:25,013 --> 01:52:29,844 ♪ You're my treasure 1766 01:52:33,109 --> 01:52:35,850 ♪ Because you're 1767 01:52:35,894 --> 01:52:37,765 ♪ Oh 1768 01:52:37,809 --> 01:52:42,640 ♪ You're my treasure 1769 01:52:45,121 --> 01:52:49,908 ♪ I used to live my life in the wind ♪ 1770 01:52:54,826 --> 01:52:56,436 ♪ And I would fly 1771 01:52:56,480 --> 01:52:59,570 ♪ Wherever you would swim 1772 01:53:04,314 --> 01:53:09,232 ♪ I couldn't stand by you or anything ♪ 1773 01:53:11,364 --> 01:53:14,585 ♪ Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain ♪ 1774 01:53:14,628 --> 01:53:16,413 ♪ I turn again 1775 01:53:16,456 --> 01:53:19,764 ♪ I wish we could heal 1776 01:53:24,508 --> 01:53:27,641 ♪ I'll take you home, I'll make you whole ♪ 1777 01:53:27,685 --> 01:53:32,472 ♪ You make me wish that this wasn't real ♪ 1778 01:53:37,129 --> 01:53:39,827 ♪ Because you're 1779 01:53:39,871 --> 01:53:41,568 ♪ Oh 1780 01:53:41,612 --> 01:53:46,617 ♪ You're my treasure 1781 01:53:49,881 --> 01:53:52,536 ♪ Because you're 1782 01:53:52,579 --> 01:53:54,277 ♪ Oh 1783 01:53:54,320 --> 01:53:59,020 ♪ You're my treasure 1784 01:54:02,285 --> 01:54:03,721 ♪ Bad habits 1785 01:54:03,764 --> 01:54:05,418 ♪ And good times 1786 01:54:05,462 --> 01:54:06,898 ♪ Let's take a risk 1787 01:54:06,941 --> 01:54:08,508 ♪ On our lives 1788 01:54:08,552 --> 01:54:10,293 ♪ Don't smile 1789 01:54:10,336 --> 01:54:11,990 ♪ Just might cry 1790 01:54:12,033 --> 01:54:13,383 ♪ Go around the roundabout 1791 01:54:13,426 --> 01:54:15,036 ♪ Like five times 1792 01:54:15,080 --> 01:54:16,821 ♪ With two scratches 1793 01:54:16,864 --> 01:54:18,083 ♪ Hard drive 1794 01:54:18,126 --> 01:54:19,302 ♪ Open up to it 1795 01:54:19,345 --> 01:54:20,564 ♪ Get me three times 1796 01:54:20,607 --> 01:54:21,565 ♪ Not lying 1797 01:54:21,608 --> 01:54:22,566 ♪ Watch the heavens 1798 01:54:22,609 --> 01:54:23,567 ♪ Goes up 1799 01:54:23,610 --> 01:54:24,785 ♪ Three times 1800 01:54:24,829 --> 01:54:26,265 ♪ Watch the heavens 1801 01:54:26,309 --> 01:54:30,530 ♪ As the sun dies 1802 01:54:34,317 --> 01:54:38,103 ♪ When breathing even is a challenge ♪ 1803 01:54:38,146 --> 01:54:41,324 ♪ I don't want to lose control ♪ 1804 01:54:41,367 --> 01:54:44,762 ♪ I need it, gotta have it 1805 01:54:44,805 --> 01:54:47,852 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1806 01:54:47,895 --> 01:54:49,288 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1807 01:54:49,332 --> 01:54:51,072 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1808 01:54:51,116 --> 01:54:54,075 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1809 01:54:54,119 --> 01:54:55,773 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1810 01:54:55,816 --> 01:54:57,644 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1811 01:54:57,688 --> 01:55:00,473 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1812 01:55:00,517 --> 01:55:02,127 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1813 01:55:02,170 --> 01:55:03,911 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1814 01:55:03,955 --> 01:55:06,871 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1815 01:55:06,914 --> 01:55:08,655 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1816 01:55:08,699 --> 01:55:09,961 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1817 01:55:10,004 --> 01:55:11,789 ♪ Don't stop clinging ♪ 1818 01:55:11,832 --> 01:55:13,660 -♪ Don't stop clinging -♪ Still alive 1819 01:55:13,704 --> 01:55:15,445 ♪ Don't stop clinging 1820 01:55:15,488 --> 01:55:18,274 ♪ Don't stop clinging, don't stop clinging ♪ 1821 01:55:18,317 --> 01:55:20,232 -♪ Don't stop clinging... -♪ Still alive... 1822 01:55:20,276 --> 01:55:22,103 NIC: "Either peace or happiness, 1823 01:55:22,147 --> 01:55:23,975 "let it enfold you. 1824 01:55:24,018 --> 01:55:26,978 "When I was a young man, I felt that these things 1825 01:55:27,021 --> 01:55:29,459 "were dumb, unsophisticated. 1826 01:55:29,502 --> 01:55:31,722 "I had bad blood, a twisted mind, 1827 01:55:31,765 --> 01:55:33,854 "a precarious upbringing. 1828 01:55:33,898 --> 01:55:35,508 "I was hard as granite. 1829 01:55:35,552 --> 01:55:37,423 "I leered at the sun. 1830 01:55:37,467 --> 01:55:40,905 "I trusted no man and especially no woman. 1831 01:55:40,948 --> 01:55:43,299 "I was living a hell in small rooms. 1832 01:55:43,342 --> 01:55:45,039 "I broke things, smashed things, 1833 01:55:45,083 --> 01:55:47,651 "walked through glass, cursed. 1834 01:55:47,694 --> 01:55:49,305 "I challenged everything, 1835 01:55:49,348 --> 01:55:51,524 "was continually being evicted, jailed, 1836 01:55:51,568 --> 01:55:54,310 "in and out of fights, in and out of my mind. 1837 01:55:54,353 --> 01:55:56,747 "Women were something to screw and rail at. 1838 01:55:56,790 --> 01:55:58,879 "I had no male friends. 1839 01:55:58,923 --> 01:56:01,012 "I changed jobs and cities. 1840 01:56:01,055 --> 01:56:03,710 "I hated holidays, babies, history, 1841 01:56:03,754 --> 01:56:06,365 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers, 1842 01:56:06,409 --> 01:56:09,412 "marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen, 1843 01:56:09,455 --> 01:56:13,329 "English accents, Spain, France, Italy, 1844 01:56:13,372 --> 01:56:16,070 "walnuts and the color orange. 1845 01:56:16,114 --> 01:56:17,942 "Algebra angered me. 1846 01:56:17,985 --> 01:56:19,900 "Opera sickened me. 1847 01:56:19,944 --> 01:56:21,989 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake. 1848 01:56:22,033 --> 01:56:24,165 "And flowers were for pansies. 1849 01:56:24,209 --> 01:56:27,560 "Peace and happiness were to me signs of inferiority, 1850 01:56:27,604 --> 01:56:30,389 "tenants of the weak and addled mind. 1851 01:56:30,433 --> 01:56:33,000 "But as I went on with my alley fights, 1852 01:56:33,044 --> 01:56:34,567 "my suicidal years, 1853 01:56:34,611 --> 01:56:36,526 "my passage through any number of women, 1854 01:56:36,569 --> 01:56:40,051 "it gradually began to occur to me that I wasn't different 1855 01:56:40,094 --> 01:56:42,140 "from the others, I was the same. 1856 01:56:42,183 --> 01:56:44,098 "They were all fulsome with hatred, 1857 01:56:44,142 --> 01:56:46,492 "glossed over with petty grievances. 1858 01:56:46,536 --> 01:56:49,147 "The men I fought in alleys had hearts of stone. 1859 01:56:49,190 --> 01:56:51,149 "Everybody was nudging, inching, 1860 01:56:51,192 --> 01:56:54,021 "cheating for some insignificant advantage. 1861 01:56:54,065 --> 01:56:57,198 "The lie was the weapon, and the plot was empty. 1862 01:56:57,242 --> 01:56:59,462 "Darkness was the dictator. 1863 01:56:59,505 --> 01:57:02,900 "Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times. 1864 01:57:02,943 --> 01:57:04,858 "I found moments of peace in cheap rooms 1865 01:57:04,902 --> 01:57:07,905 "just staring at the knobs of some dresser 1866 01:57:07,948 --> 01:57:10,255 "or listening to the rain in the dark. 1867 01:57:10,298 --> 01:57:13,258 "The less I needed, the better I felt. 1868 01:57:13,301 --> 01:57:15,173 "Maybe the other life had worn me down. 1869 01:57:15,216 --> 01:57:16,870 "I no longer found glamour 1870 01:57:16,914 --> 01:57:19,264 "in topping somebody in conversation 1871 01:57:19,307 --> 01:57:22,528 "or in mounting the body of some poor, drunken female 1872 01:57:22,572 --> 01:57:25,052 "whose life had slipped away into sorrow. 1873 01:57:25,096 --> 01:57:27,011 "I could never accept life as it was. 1874 01:57:27,054 --> 01:57:29,840 "I could never gobble down all its poisons. 1875 01:57:29,883 --> 01:57:32,146 "But there were parts, tenuous magic parts, 1876 01:57:32,190 --> 01:57:34,148 "open for the asking. 1877 01:57:34,192 --> 01:57:35,715 "I reformulated. 1878 01:57:35,759 --> 01:57:37,761 "I don't know when-- date, time, all that-- 1879 01:57:37,804 --> 01:57:39,415 "but the change occurred. 1880 01:57:39,458 --> 01:57:42,766 "Something in me relaxed, smoothed out. 1881 01:57:42,809 --> 01:57:45,072 "I no longer had to prove that I was a man. 1882 01:57:45,116 --> 01:57:46,813 "I didn't have to prove anything. 1883 01:57:46,857 --> 01:57:48,598 "I began to see things. 1884 01:57:48,641 --> 01:57:51,339 "Coffee cups lined up behind a counter in a cafe. 1885 01:57:51,383 --> 01:57:53,820 "Or a dog walking along a sidewalk. 1886 01:57:53,864 --> 01:57:55,779 "Or the way the mouse on my dresser top 1887 01:57:55,822 --> 01:57:57,824 "stopped there, really stopped there, 1888 01:57:57,868 --> 01:57:59,957 "with its body, its ears, its nose. 1889 01:58:00,000 --> 01:58:03,830 "It was fixed, a bit of life caught within itself, 1890 01:58:03,874 --> 01:58:07,660 "and its eyes looked at me, and they were beautiful. 1891 01:58:07,704 --> 01:58:09,749 "Then it was gone. 1892 01:58:09,793 --> 01:58:11,621 "I began to feel good. 1893 01:58:11,664 --> 01:58:14,145 "I began to feel good in the worst situations, 1894 01:58:14,188 --> 01:58:15,886 "and there were plenty of those. 1895 01:58:15,929 --> 01:58:18,932 "Like, say, the boss behind his desk. 1896 01:58:18,976 --> 01:58:21,065 "He is going to have to fire me. 1897 01:58:21,108 --> 01:58:22,849 "I've missed too many days. 1898 01:58:22,893 --> 01:58:26,157 "He's dressed in a suit, necktie, glasses. 1899 01:58:26,200 --> 01:58:28,942 "He says, 'I am going to have to let you go.' 1900 01:58:28,986 --> 01:58:30,727 "'It's all right,' I tell him. 1901 01:58:30,770 --> 01:58:32,206 "He must do what he must do. 1902 01:58:32,250 --> 01:58:34,165 "He has a wife, a house, children, 1903 01:58:34,208 --> 01:58:37,385 "expenses, most probably a girlfriend. 1904 01:58:37,429 --> 01:58:38,865 "I'm sorry for him. 1905 01:58:38,909 --> 01:58:40,519 "He's caught. 1906 01:58:40,563 --> 01:58:42,173 "I walk out into the blazing sunshine. 1907 01:58:42,216 --> 01:58:44,958 "The whole day is mine, temporarily anyhow. 1908 01:58:45,002 --> 01:58:47,570 "The whole world is at the throat of the world. 1909 01:58:47,613 --> 01:58:50,529 "Everybody feels angry, short-changed, cheated. 1910 01:58:50,573 --> 01:58:53,271 "Everybody is despondent, disillusioned. 1911 01:58:53,314 --> 01:58:56,448 "I welcomed shots of peace, tattered shards of happiness. 1912 01:58:56,492 --> 01:58:58,842 "I embraced that stuff like the hottest number, 1913 01:58:58,885 --> 01:59:01,758 "like high heels, breasts, singing, the works. 1914 01:59:01,801 --> 01:59:03,324 "Don't get me wrong, 1915 01:59:03,368 --> 01:59:05,065 "there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism 1916 01:59:05,109 --> 01:59:06,502 "that overlooks all basic problems 1917 01:59:06,545 --> 01:59:07,981 "just for the sake of itself. 1918 01:59:08,025 --> 01:59:10,244 "This is a shield and a sickness. 1919 01:59:10,288 --> 01:59:12,290 "The knife got near my throat again. 1920 01:59:12,333 --> 01:59:14,205 "I almost turned on the gas again. 1921 01:59:14,248 --> 01:59:16,207 "But when the good moments arrived again, 1922 01:59:16,250 --> 01:59:18,339 "I didn't fight them off like an alley adversary. 1923 01:59:18,383 --> 01:59:20,820 "I let them take me. I luxuriated in them. 1924 01:59:20,864 --> 01:59:22,648 "I bade them welcome home. 1925 01:59:22,692 --> 01:59:24,302 "I even looked into the mirror once 1926 01:59:24,345 --> 01:59:27,348 "having thought myself to be ugly. 1927 01:59:27,392 --> 01:59:29,394 "I now liked what I saw. 1928 01:59:29,437 --> 01:59:31,091 "Almost handsome. 1929 01:59:31,135 --> 01:59:33,311 "Yes, a bit ripped and ragged. 1930 01:59:33,354 --> 01:59:35,487 "Scars, lumps, odd turns. 1931 01:59:35,531 --> 01:59:37,576 "But all in all, not too bad. 1932 01:59:37,620 --> 01:59:39,447 "Almost handsome. 1933 01:59:39,491 --> 01:59:41,537 "Better at least than some of those movie star faces 1934 01:59:41,580 --> 01:59:43,277 "like the cheeks of a baby's butt. 1935 01:59:43,321 --> 01:59:44,801 "And finally I discovered 1936 01:59:44,844 --> 01:59:47,151 "real feelings for others, unheralded. 1937 01:59:47,194 --> 01:59:49,022 "Like lately, like this morning, 1938 01:59:49,066 --> 01:59:52,548 "as I was leaving for the track, I saw my wife in bed, 1939 01:59:52,591 --> 01:59:54,419 "just the shape of her head there, 1940 01:59:54,462 --> 01:59:58,031 "covers pulled high, just the shape of her head there. 1941 01:59:58,075 --> 02:00:00,468 "Not forgetting centuries of the living and the dead 1942 02:00:00,512 --> 02:00:02,296 "and the dying, the pyramids, 1943 02:00:02,340 --> 02:00:04,821 "Mozart dead, but his music still there in the room, 1944 02:00:04,864 --> 02:00:06,605 "weeds growing, the Earth turning, 1945 02:00:06,649 --> 02:00:08,738 "the tote board waiting for me. 1946 02:00:08,781 --> 02:00:10,522 "I saw the shape of my wife's head, 1947 02:00:10,566 --> 02:00:11,958 "she so still. 1948 02:00:12,002 --> 02:00:13,481 "I ached for her life, 1949 02:00:13,525 --> 02:00:15,179 "just being there under the covers. 1950 02:00:15,222 --> 02:00:16,746 "I kissed her on the forehead, 1951 02:00:16,789 --> 02:00:18,530 "got down the stairway, got outside, 1952 02:00:18,574 --> 02:00:21,011 "got into my marvelous car, fixed the seat belt, 1953 02:00:21,054 --> 02:00:22,490 "backed out the drive. 1954 02:00:22,534 --> 02:00:24,318 "Feeling warm to the fingertips, 1955 02:00:24,362 --> 02:00:27,147 "down to my foot on the gas pedal, 1956 02:00:27,191 --> 02:00:29,106 "I entered the world once more, 1957 02:00:29,149 --> 02:00:31,195 "drove down the hill past the houses 1958 02:00:31,238 --> 02:00:33,023 "full and empty of people. 1959 02:00:33,066 --> 02:00:35,503 "I saw the mailman, honked. 1960 02:00:35,547 --> 02:00:37,941 He waved back at me."